Blogland Renter of the Week

I'm slightly behind on introducing my current renter to my blog. Please give a warm welcome to a Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance I know this blogger from another site, Medialine (Which by the way, as you all know I can't seem to get to anymore.) Her blog template is awesome and she's a great writer! If you get a chance, stop over and check her out!

I've got a Crush on you...

We've all had crushes in life. I remember when I was a young girl, my prepubescent little body would tingle at the thought of the "special" men in my life back then. Most of the time, as most teenage girls, I would fantasize about needing to be rescued or being kissed by these said men.

What men do I speak of, you ask? I'm talking about movie/music stars from the 1980's & 90's! That's right, I'm going to confess every single one of my crushes I had when I was a young, innocent woman.

I'm going to attempt to be completely honest and I'm even going to list the really embarrassing crushes as well as the ones I'm still proud of today. So, please sit back, grab yourself some popcorn, and some Kleenex, this is going to be one emotional ride down memory lane!


Hans Solos & Indiana Jones

Oh sweet lord! Speak to me, speak to me! What a man, what a man! Funny thing, for a long time I didn't know who Harrison Fords was. But, I did know who "Hans solo" and "Indiana Jones" was for sure!

I remember as a young innocent teenage girl, I wanted so bad to be Princess Leia just for that one kiss in "The Empire Strikes Back". And I wanted really bad to be that chick in "Raiders of the Lost ark", when she got to kiss Indy's aching body when they were on the boat, have mercy on me!

I have to admit I actually enjoy most of Harrison's movies. His character "Jack Ryan" is actually pretty sexy as well. But these two roles really struck a nerve in my ever developing teenage woman body.


The American Ninja

Actor Michael Dudikoff plays 18 year old Army private "Joe Armstrong". At one point in the movie, he's running through the jungle with the Generals brat daughter and rips her skirt right down the middle with a huge knife, spreading her legs and tying each piece of fabric around her legs, to make shorts so she could run faster, HELLO! GENIUS!

Not only did he rip her skirt, he tore the heels right off her shoes! That is so fucking hot, I remember wishing that girl was me and I needed to be rescued by "Joe Armstrong, the American Ninja!"


David Hasselhoff - Knight Rider

I'm 100% embarrassed and very sorry that I ever had a crush on this man. But, I promised I'd be completely honest with who my crushes were. So, here I am baring it all and admitting to having a slight crush on David Hasselhoff in Knight Rider. I couldn't seem to stop watching this show. God, he was so smooth and amazing!

Look, I was young and very impressionable. Stop judging me! If you've forgotten, at the top of this page, I list Harrison Ford, remember? He's still cool right?


Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit

Now before you start judging me on my musical taste. Let me first say that I actually enjoy the first album by Limp Bizkit. I remember being in college hearing this group for the first time. That remake they did by George Michael's, "Faith", WOW! I mean, take a look at the picture people, It's sizzling with hot sexuality!

Ok, I'll admit that tattoo of Elvis is a bit overkill, but take a look at his hands! It all evens itself out. Just for the record, Fred Durst can't sing, but he has a great grrrowl, or whatever you want to call it. You know, that thing he does in most of his songs? I'd do him even if he is going bald....

The page cannot be displayed

So I've been having this problem for the last week. Basically I can't get on one freaking website on the entire internets. What is that ONE website you ask? Medialine. For some stupid reason whenever I try and attempt to open the web page, I get the following message,

"The page cannot be displayed .

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings."



What on God's green earth does this mean? I've never, ever had this trouble before in the past. Then all of a sudden one day, BAMM!!! I can't get on this damn site anymore. I've talked with others who CAN get on the site, and they've had no problems whatsoever.

I've talked to my ISP, I've talked to the site admin. There's nothing wrong on their end. They've suggested it's my computer. I've cleaned out my temp folders, cache, ran Adware, Spybot Search & Distroy, Tend Micro HouseCall and Panda ActiveScan. Nothing seems to work! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWL!

Well, what the hell is wrong with my stupid computer??? If any one of you out there can help me figure out what's wrong, I swear I'll bake you cookies or something...

I Don't Like it and you can't make me!

I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently and we got on the topic of thing we really don't like. Sometimes society makes us think we HAVE to like something just because supposedly the majority of people DO.

Well, I'm here to say that's bull shit! I'm tired of people overactive when they hear I don't like something that maybe a lot of people enjoy. I'm going to go against the grain and list some controversial things that I really don't like. You know what? No one's going to make me like them, ever!

#1. I don't like peanut butter. I never have and I never will. I can remember as a small child, I'd tell my momma that I wanted a snack. Her response to me was as followed

"Go in the refrigerator, get a spoonfuls of peanut butter, it's healthy, it tastes good plus it will satisfy your hunger until dinner"

I DON'T WANT A DAMN SPOONFUL OF PEANUT BUTTER!!! It's gross, sticks to the roof of your mouth, and makes your throat feel like there's something stuck way in the back and anything you do, you can't get rid of it! No matter how much freakin water you drink! And no, milk doesn't help either!!! Oh yeah and that after taste, SUCKS!

#2. I'm not a big fan of other peoples kids. NOW, before you judge me hold on and listen for a second. I want babies more then anything and I hope that one day I will be blessed with them. Nothing is more beautiful then being part of a creation of a child with the person you love.

I just don't like other peoples kids. Ok, maybe "like" isn't the correct wording, maybe it's a bit harsh? Maybe I should say, I don't need to know about your kids. Either way, I honestly don't care of little Jack just learned how to tie his shoes. I really don't care if cute baby Jane fell off her bike this morning. (Although I hope she's alright)

I've written about this before, but I must stress this again. Why do people feel the need to tell me how cute their child is? Yes, I can see with my own eyes if your kids a cutie or not. I don't need you to tell me. I didn't give birth to them, I didn't breast feed them and I'm not raising them, so please LEAVE ME OUT OF IT!!!!!

#3. I don't like Baths. Ok, stop it! I know what you're thinking, "What the hell is up with this caramello??? She doesn't bathe?" Well, I shower everyday, sometimes twice a day. But, I just don't enjoy taking a long hot bath.

Let's take a look at what takes place when having a long hot bath. You're laying there, the waters steaming ( ohhh yeah, that feels nice!!!), you're body's slightly moist from the heat, then all of a sudden the water starts getting cool.

THEN you have to drain some of the water in order to re-heat the damn tub. You're still laying there, book in hand, SHIT the pagers are starting to stick together, what's this? The books wet!!! Not to mention the half bottle of stupid bubble bath you poured in has dissipated and now all you're doing is laying in ice cold bath water.

NO THANK YOU! I'm sticking to my long, hot, steamy, shower!

Thank you, that's all for now!

*Tune in next time as I share a few things I DO like!

Embarrassing moment #77

Have you ever been on vacation with your significant other. You've been on the road all day, attempting to get to your destination, finally you stop at a hotel for the night. You're tired, a bit horny and slightly irritated all at the same time. So, one thing leads to another and of course you end up fornicating as soon as you get to the hotel room.

Afterwards, everything seems great, you're thinking to yourself "Damn, that was HOT!" you're ready for a shower and then bed. So as soon as you get up to use the bathroom, you suddenly discover the hotel door is wide open. Not only is it wide open, it's been wide open since you entered 30-45 minutes ago....

Yeah, It's never happened to me either, but that's kinda embarrassing, wouldn't you say?

Well, SCREW YOU!!!

As you all know, I've started this "Blog Explosion" adventure recently. Well, I'm here to tell you that for the last week, I've been trying to get someone to allow me to be a tenet for their stupid blog. I've been denied not 1, not 2, not even 3, but 6 fucking times!!!! That's right folks, no one will let me rent! I'm being discriminated against to the fullest extent of the cyber world! To tell you the truth, I believe it's because I'm only half white. Well, SCREW YOU!!!

Look, I'm not one to pull out the cyber race card, but this is getting really ridiculous! I'm positive it's not because my blog isn't worth reading. Who wouldn't want to read my blog? It's top quality. It's full of wit and intriguing stories about me! I'm guessing these "Other" bloggers are to afraid I'll take the spot light away from their own writing.

That's right, I said it. Listen, someone had to. Someone needs to get this out in the open and that someone is ME!

You know what, don't allow me to rent space on your dummy blog! Don't come back and ask me now! I refuse to be your store front! I won't be associated with people who don't like half & halfs?

Now if you would please excuse me, I'm gonna go see if I can find someone who will rent some blog space to a caramello...

EXPLODE THIS!!!

Since I'm a complete nerd and easily amused, I've decided to join something called Blog Explosion. To tell you the truth, I have no idea how this freakin' site even really works, I've actually spent the last few days trying to figure it out. I THINK this site will help me get more traffic to my blog, maybe even a few more comments? Who knows, I guess time and comments will tell. Needless to say, it's my way of whoring myself in attempt to get more attention! Yeah, I know, it's pretty pathetic, but I'm bored and this will entertain me for a few days.

I've started to rent out space on my blog as well. If you look to your right, you'll see my current tenet. I'm really not sure how I feel about this whole "Rent my blog space" idea...it seems a bit silly. But, I'm going to keep an open mind and see what happens. Anyway, my current and first tenet, HAUNTED HOUSE DRESSING "a site where toasters run free and hippos climb trees" (whatever the hell that means?)

Apparently I'm suppose to ask each of you to take a look at this blog when you get a chance. To tell you the truth though, I haven't even looked at it myself. It was the first offer I got to rent my blog and I ran with it... This is NOT to say that the blog isn't any good. Honestly I have no idea if it's any good. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I have no idea.

Anyway, I'm gonna give this some time and see what happens. I guess, I could also post something that's actually well written and thought out, instead of talking out of my sweet half black ass...

I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!!

A friend of mine who I'll call "Indiana Jones" has all of a sudden become fascinated with snakes and all the different types of venom each one carries. Yeah, ok that might be kinda cool, NOT!

One day last week he walked up my desk and wanted to show me some of the cool things he's discovered recently. I of course was a bit disturbed by the pictures and types of deadly venom these evil creatures of Satan carried. But, I didn't think I was effected by the pictures to the point of having a horrible night mare! That was until I had one Wednesday night!!!!


Take a good look at that picture above people. The Radiated rat snake (Coelognathus radiatus). That's right folks and according to my dream, this snake can swallow you whole! Not only can it swallow your entire body, it can spit it back out and THEN bite your hand, sending poisonous venom throughout my body.

All of sudden I started getting light headed, at the same time all I could feel was PAIN! MY ENTIRE BODY WAS INFESTED WITH PAIN! I remember in my dream, I was freaking out, screaming, "I DON'T WANNA DIE!!! I DON'T WANNA DIE!!! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!"

Finally the ambulance showed up, but they had no fucking clue what to do with me. They started making phone calls trying to find someone who could help me. (why they didn't take me to the hospital, I have no idea?) All the while, I'm thrashing around in the background, like a chicken with it's head chopped off!

Then, I woke up. Yeah, I'm still a little shaken up about the whole thing...

SHUDUP!!

Maybe it's because I've been in a bad mood recently but, everything and everyone is irritating the hell out of me. I don't know about the rest of you, but I hate people who don't know when to shut the hell up! We all know someone like this...either a co-worker, a friend, maybe even a family member and they talk to damn much.

The problem is, I'm to damn nice and to sweet to ever say anything, so I'm just gonna vent about it here.

This person just won't shut the fuck up! They keep talking and talking and talking and talking and talking. I find myself avoiding this person at all costs. If I see them walking towards me, I'll act like I forgot something, turn around real quick to hide, or that I got a sudden phone call, or that I have to use the bathroom real bad. I know, It's a very cowardly thing to do. But listen, sometimes you have to forget about that type of thing and lower yourself to that level. Stop looking at me like that! You've done it too, don't lie!

This person will sometimes seek you out. If this happened, you're SOL my friends (Shit out of Luck) You just have to pray to God either your phone will ring, someone will rescue you or some type of catastrophic disaster will take place and they will be swallowed up by the earth below.

They also love to tell jokes. GOD, I hate when people tell me jokes. They walk up to you "Hey RevRee, I have a joke for you..." I'm thinking "SHIT!!! here we go again! I don't care about the horse with one leg. I don't feel like pretending to laugh again. Quick, someone help me make the bad man stop!!!"

Before you have a chance to even begin to give them some type of excuse, as to why I can't stay and listen to their stupid joke, it's to late. They've already started.

About 99.9% of the time the joke is NOT funny, it's not even a little funny...It SUCKS! YOU HEAR ME? IT SUCKS ASSSSSS!!!!!! It takes everything in my earthly power to even try and slightly chuckle. I usually feel entirely dumbed-down and a bit offended that someone actually thought the joke was funny. You know what puzzles me the most? Thay honestly thought I would find it funny too!!!

Seriously, do these people go online, spending countless hours looking up jokes? Just so they can share them with co-workers, family members and yes even the bum on the street?? Why can't they take up underwater basket weaving or macaroni art??? Instead they harrass people with these countless attempts at humor!?!

Damn, I wish I had the kahunas to say something. If I did, I'd walk right up to them, look up right in to their cold eyes and say... "Listen buddy, the jokes have got to stop. They aren't funny, YOU defiantly are NOT funny. You talk to much and your breath stinks. Please, please, please I beg you...for the love of all that's good on this earth, STOP!"

And, if that didn't work, I'd beat them with a baseball bat into submission...

Thanks, I feel better!

LIFE

This picture make me think of how much life can sometimes really suck. Let's pretend for a moment, that the picture above of the children is "Life" and it's laughing in your face! Can you see it? I know you can. I know we've all felt this way. To be honest, I think those kids are laughing at me...ok that's a bit crazy sounding, but I hope you kinda get what I'm trying to say.

It's like it knows something I don't, it's giggling and laughing out loud because I don't get the joke. I wanna join in the fun too, I want to laugh again. It seems though, that recently life has targeted me for a good hardy laugh, somehow I've missed the punch-line and it SUCKS!!!!!

I remember something my momma always says, "This is a small portion of your life and this too shall pass." I hope she's right...and the damn kids will stop laughing!

DEADWOOD, STAR GAZIN' & DRINKIN'

I started off this last weekend watching the entire second season of Deadwood in 1.5 days! Now first of all, this series is one of the best in cable television history. I can't seem to get enough of it. I'm kinda sad though, because it only took me 1.5 days to watch the whole second season! I didn't even take time to savor any of it. It's like a drug, I tell you!

I find that whenever I watch this show, I tend to use words like, "Cocksucker" & "FUCK", out of the blue and for no apparent reason! These word aren't usually in my vocabulary on an everyday basis. But, whenever I watch DEADWOOD, I have a dirty little mouth!

Aside from the fact that Timothy Olyphant (pictured above) is so freaking HOT, I have a tendency to drool whenever he's in a scene. The actual storyline is amazing, each person portrayed is an actual historical character all taking place in this hard core, raw, filthy immoral town. I LOVE IT!!!!

Sorry I get a little carried away when I talk about that show.

Anyway, after spending a day in a half waching DEADWOOD, I finally took a shower! Then it was time to go out on the town with friends. We first end up at a bar that I'll call "Bugger off".

By the time we finished our drinks, we're all invited to an after hours party at my friend "Joes" place. Now, "Joe" lives in a complete dump. I love the guy, but seriously, the place should be condemned and burned down! But, we all go over there anyway. Some idiot who I won't name, thought it would be a great idea to drink on top of "Joes" roof. Yeah, great freakin' idea! A bunch of drunk people drinking on a steep roof top, this should be fun!

I'm slightly afraid of heights. Now, don't get the wrong idea, I'm not deathly afraid, it's just a slight fear. Mixing liquor, good friends and a beautiful night, why not climb to the top?! Another friend "Johnny" helped me climb up, using a make-shift ladder and his cell phone for a light. There's about 6 of us sitting atop the house, star gazing and drinkin'! (Hey, that sounds like a Country song! "Star Gazin' & Drinkin'"!)

One of the guys decided to start dancing a jig! By this time, I'm about panic and I scream out "Lou, I swear to god, if you fall I'll throw up!!!!!!" I guess it was funny??? Everyone started laughing, at me!!! "Ohhhh poor RevRee, it's going ot be alright...here come dance with me!" he says. I cling to the chimney closing my eyes like a scared little girl!

Finally I had enough and went back down. This was a task all to itself! Hey, you try getting down off a steep roof top, in the black of night with a jungle for your background!

After I get inside, I assumed I was alone in the house, so I thought I'd get some water and put on some music. Well, as I'm just about to select a MOBY CD, I hear something coming from one of the bedrooms...

I stop and listen...is, is that moaning?????? I'm standing there, CD in hand, waiting to hear something more. OH MY SWEET LORD!!!!

I hear it again!!! "MMmmmmmmmmMMMmmmm" Someones in the other room sexin' it up!!! YES!!!

I started giggling of course, I might have blushed a bit too and quickly turned the music on. I admit it was kinda hot. But I have to say, the noises coming from the room were actually kinda odd and slightly scary. Not the most beautiful, sensual sounds I've heard.

Soon after I discovered I wasn't "alone" in the house, everyone from the roof started coming back inside. By this time, it was getting very late and I was ready to head home. And so I did and slept like a baby. Once I got home I mean!

I kinda forgot to tell "Joe" people were fornicating in the other room...oops