Monday, October 29, 2007

I think my boss is Satan...

My sweet blogging friends, It's Halloween time! In celebration if this "scary" holiday, I've decided to make a list of the signs you should be on the look out for when dealing with your boss during this occasion.

As some of you already know, I'm not a big fan of my current boss...ok, OK, actually I hate him. ALRIGHT hate is a pretty harsh word... how about totally, 100% dislike him?

So anyway, I've put together a list of thing each and every one of of should be on the look out for. Even if you like your boss. It's been said that sometimes an angel of Dark will disguise itself as an angel of Light.


10. Leaves cloven hoof marks burned into the carpet when he stands in one place long enough...

9. He makes you write your emails in COBOL

8. He is referred to as "Lucifer" on all email headings and on IM...

7. The eerie chanting that you hear coming from his office when the door is closed...

6. The virgin sacrifices in the conference room...

5. The black robe hanging in the corner of his office...

4. His long black fingernails...

3. At your last evaluation, not only did you NOT get a raise, he also gives you a receipt for your soul...

2. When he raise his voice, even on a bright and sunny day, lightning strikes and thunder rolls...

1. Made you sign a non-disclosure agreement in Blood


Thursday, October 18, 2007

Bloggers, I'm real sorry that I haven't been updating my blog to your liking. Things for me have been pretty uneventful and very boring. So much so, that I fear I've fallen in to a slight depression...

I honestly don't have a lot going on in my life at this time. I will be honest with you though, I think it has to do with the fact that I hate my job and I hate this god forsaken town and I want out.

When I lived back in my home state, I had things going on in my life, I had stories to tell, people to talk to I'd go out with friends all the time. This sucks!

Sometimes I just wanna give up and go back home so my momma can give me a big hug and tell me everything will be alright. I miss her hugs.

But alas, I am here and will remain here until I find a way out. This is where my big announcement was going to come in to play. I had applied for a very, very prestigious job in a much bigger market and I had been asked to interview with them.

This is not an opportunity that comes along everyday. So, hell yeah I went to the interview! I mean, who refuses a free plane ride, hotel and free food? No one

Anyway, it's been well over a month since I had my big chance (interview). I've gotten one email telling me that "the position is still open, they are still doing some research/paper work and they will be in touch." WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???

Seriously, I feel like I'm being led on like a giddy, innocent freshman girl in high school and the jokes on her HA HA HA! I mean, would it be so hard for them to simply tell me if I got the job or not? At least if I knew I didn't get the job I could start taking action with plan B.

I think part of the problem is that I honestly don't like the city I live in. I don't like my boss, actually I hate him. But as "they" say "he who angers you, controls you". So, I can't allow that to happen. I can't allow him to have any control over me. I will fight, I must!

I will not give up! I refuse to give up and let the "man" win! I'm a grown ass, independent, professional, woman and I will prevail!!! Can I get an AMEN!!!

Well, ok, ok! Maybe I'm overreacting a bit. I mean, I am at the end of my menstrual cycle and I could just simply be overly emotional, paranoid and slightly aroused...

Stop looking at me like that!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Last night I died...

Hello my dear blogging friends. Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real that part of you secretly thought it really did happen? The vividness of it all still so clear in your head that you can't seem to get it out of your mind.

Well, a few months ago I had one of those dreams. It's really quite a disturbing dream I had. Some might even call it a nightmare or maybe even a hallucination. I honestly don't know what it was. But it freaked the shit out of me.

Before I tell the story of my dream, please know that some of the descriptions of my dream might not be suitable for all audiences., therefore viewer discretion is advised.

It all begins with me walking down the street of the campus of my old college. As I'm walking, I see a guy who I once knew while in college. His name was Mel...Melvin! Like who in the world would name their child Melvin???

A little real-life back story on Mel... See, Mel was a shady kinda kid. He was a year or two behind me, he grew up in the other side of the tracks and thought he was Gods gift to women and men alike and he was a compulsive liar.

He also thought that one day he would make it big as a radio DJ... He dressed in dirty wife beaters, baggy jeans and a cigarette in the back of his ear. For some reason, the also thought he was "Black" Whenever he would see me, he would grab me, lift me up and give me this huge bear hug and say "what up boo!"

This upset me out every time...But, I was stupid back then and was way to sweet to say "Listen pal, keep your filthy hands off me!"

He's also the guy who stole every single CD from the college radio station we both worked at and pawned them off for cash. Only to be found out by ME! I then made him go and purchase them all, every single fuckin' one of them again. To this day that still astonishes me, seriously!


Anyway, back to my fucked up dream...

I'm walking on campus, it's present day. I'm back at college for something, but I have no idea what. All of a sudden, Mel walks past me. He stops and says "RevRee?!!" I turn and say..."yesss....?" Just as I say yes, in my mind I'm thinking, "Holy shit, it's MEL!"

He laughs, grabs me and gives me a huge hug. I of course, because it's a fucked up dream, don't do anything but smile. He then continues to say something about him being there waiting for his "fiancee" to get finished with class. He also mentions how she's like 17 and super smart!

Because I'm such a sweet gracious person, I simply smile and ask how he's been. Just as he's about to get in to what he's been doing for the last 8 years, this little blond chick comes walking up. (she obviously isn't really a Blondie) As she walks up, Mel grabs her, puts his arm around her like it's his pride and joy, smiling, saying..."THIS, is my girl! This is Shanda!"

I smile, she smiles pleasantly we shake hands.

I finally get a word in and say that I need to be getting on my way. We say our goodbyes and part ways.

The next thing I know, I'm walking to my car and someone grabs me from behind putting a sack over my head and shoving me into a van! I have no time to react it was like lightning fast!
Suddenly I wake up and hear two people talking in the front seat. I attempt to sit up and hear someone say "But, she's so nice, we can't do this. Let's just drop her off at the next corner" I'm extremely confused at this time, and I'm thinking to myself, "FUCK"

Then I hear a male voice say, "No baby, this is the way it needs to be. If she does what we want, no one will get hurt" This time I actually say out loud "FUCK!" they turn around and see that I'm awake. Just as they turn their heads, I see that it's that slimy MEL and his childlike girlfriend! He says "well, hello there girl! sup?"

I'm speechless... (you know like in those dreams where no words come out of your mouth. You try, but nothing escapes) My mouth opens, but nothing. This really frustrates me as I hear him laugh. "Awww Rev, girl you tryin to talk? See, that's not gonna happen, cuz Shanda there gave you this new drug that takes your voice. You won't be able to speak for ohh, 5-6 hours max"

Just then, he stops the van and He turns his head again and says smiling, "Now we're gonna go have a nice meal here at White Castle. We'll be back in 20-30 minutes. You just sit want anything?....HAHAHAHHAAH" They get out of the van, shut the doors and walk inside.

My mind is going a million miles a minute. I somehow am able to bend and twist my body in to ways I never thought were possible and get right out of the handcuffs and duct tape. I figure out how to kick out one of the side windows to the van. This must have taken me 10-15 minutes, only leaving me like 5 minutes to actually get out and RUN!!!!! AHHHhhhhHHhhh

Just as my body falls to the ground, my face hitting the pavement, I see Mels feet...FUCK!!!
I quickly stand up as he says "Whatcha doin there boo?" I slowly look up at him, anger piercing from my eyes. He smiles, I raise my hands and bitch slap the mofo to the ground and RUN!!!
I hear the girl scream out his name, then I hear a gun shot. I feel something hit me, but I keep running... Then another shot, BANG! This time it hurts a little more and it starts to make me slow down.
At this point in my dream, I can feel myself slowly fading...and when I say fading, I mean dieing. I finally fall to the ground slowly, landing on my back, the sun in my eyes. Suddenly I see this big shadow over me....
It's Mel, he's looking down at me saying "Why did you run? Why the fuck did you run???"

My eyes close...then open, then mind starts slowing, my breathing starts to become faint, my heart is slowing, I'm slowing suffocating. But It doesn't hurt, it's kind of...kind of, peaceful...
Then....I died...

After I die, Mel and Shanda jump in the van and speed off.

After what feels like hours, I slowly open my eyes, the sun is still shining bright in the sky and that sky is so blue. I feel a cool breeze move through my hair as I rise from the pavement.
I look down, I see two holes in my shirt two in the back, two in the front. One over my heart, one between my breasts... But there was nothing. I had no gunshots in my body.
Then, I wake up.

How messed up am I? Seriously!

Monday, October 01, 2007

When it rains, it pours...

I've been doing some thinking. I'd like to come out with a new fragrance...My own!

Recently I've seen about a million new colognes and perfumes coming out supposedly by all different types of "celebrities"...

Usher, J-lo, David Beckham, OJ, Paris, Kid Rock, Elvis, Willie Nelson, Peter Griffin, The Oakridge Boys, P Diddy, the list goes on and on!

Well... since I daydream a lot and in my own mind I'm pretty amazing.... I thought, why not? Therefore, I've come up with my very own, new, original, fragrance...

I'm going to call it "Reverie"

I've even come up with the perfect commercial for my new perfume, seriously, it's genius!

Ok now, picture this...

A woman is getting ready for what appears to be a date. She gently sprays herself with just a spritz of "Reverie" and just as she walks in to the heavenly mist, she closes her eyes...

....It's raining outside, it begins as a soft rain, in between the rain shots, you see quick clips of two people kissing softy. As the rain gets harder, the kissing becomes more intense, the couple moves from kissing sweetly in the rain, to passionate kisses along with pulling of shirts and unzipping of jeans as their clothes get wetter and wetter...

Then another close up of two mouths exploring each other in a beautiful dance as the water drips off their lower lips and chins. Of course this entire commercial would have to be bedded with amazing background music like Vivaldi - Four Seasons (please click on link to hear the music while you read)

Yes there would be close up pictures of his hands entangled with her hands, then back to hard core would see his mouth sliding in slow motion down her neck

Then it would cut to a scene with the woman opening her eyes as you hear a doorbell ring. She smiles, slightly biting her lower lip as she opens her front door, only to see that it had obviously just stopped raining outside and a really, super, hot, guy, all soaking wet, is standing at her door...

Then all you see is the words "REVERIE, when it rains, it pours..." as the couple walks out the door fading in to a blur... *fade to black*