Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Smile a little smile for me...

The other night I had a horrible nightmare. I think the only way for this terrible dream to leave my mind, is if I write about it and get it all out in the open.

Ok, first of all, you should know a few years ago, I had braces. Now, don't freak teeth weren't THAT bad, plus coming from a family of like 20 children, my parents couldn't afford braces. Look, I had crooked teeth like Jewel... You know the singer? She sang that song "who can save our souls" ... never mind...

Well, anyway the insurance from the station I worked for at the time had amazing dental coverage, so I thought, what the hell, why not? I got the braces and within a year my teeth were perfect.

Soon after that, I was lucky enough to get the braces off and I've had amazingly beautiful straight teeth since, to go with my already infectious smile! At least in my humble opinion... HA!

Well, since moving to a new state I kinda sorta misplaced my retainer for a period of time. One evening, as I'm getting ready for bed, I had just finished brushing my enamels I look in the mirror and I could see a very, very slight space between my two front teeth.

This made me begin to kind of worry...worry to the point of slight panic. I searched high and low for my retainer. I finally found it and I attempted to put it in my mouth and umm, it umm broke. Well, it didn't break all the way, it was more like a severe crack.

So severe, that it was very painful to have it in my mouth. The fact that I could see a slight microscopic space between my two front teeth I was very troubled. So, YES! YES, I shoved the stupid retainer into my mouth anyway and made it fit! Hurt like hell, but I wasn't about to let my teeth go crooked inside my beautiful lips.

Besides, my mother has always said to me and my sister "It hurts to be beautiful..." She would always say this as she ripped through my tangled curly hair with a comb, when I was a little girl.

Anyway, that night I fell asleep with this extremely tight, very uncomfortable retainer in my sweet mouth. Listen, I know you're thinking I'm one crazy chick, but I don't view myself as "crazy" I like to think of myself as more of a... pioneer, a woman who understands the hardships of being a female and what it takes to accomplish perfection...

This is when the nightmare took place...

I'm looking in the mirror and suddenly my beautiful teeth have become crooked and I had a huge gap in my front teeth. I could almost see the gap getting bigger and bigger as I looked at my reflection.

I panic and begin searching for my broken retainer. Finally I find it and begin to attempt to shove this cracked retainer into my mouth. When all of a sudden one of my precious teeth breaks right off! In this forever disturbing dream, I could feel and hear the cracking as it fell right out of my head. As if it were real I tell you!

This makes me start to cry like a baby in my dream. Actually, it was more like a piercing, heart wrenching scream of horror.

The whole time I'm thinking, what the FUCK am I going to tell my "quasi" boyfriend??? I can never smile again, OH GOD! Please, not this, anything but this!!!!!!

As I'm having this "episode" inside of my dream, another freakin' tooth falls out of my head! HOLY SHIT! I try to speak, but teeth just continue to fell out of my mouth!

This is when I pop straight up in bed, sweating like a mad woman and breathing like the air had been sucked right out of my lungs! THANK GOD! THANK YOU SWEET LORD!

It was only a dream, My teeth are still beautiful and straight! Woooo that was close!

P.S. Don't worry, I'm getting a new retainer on my trip back home next week.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Ask revealing questions, get revealing answers

Recently, I've been browsing this book I found in my desk at work. I think the person who had my job before me left it. Maybe it was some type of warning, I dunno?

Anyway, It's called " Revealing Questions (for all occasions)" I think they got this book from Hallmark as a gift or something. It's a pretty stupid book, but for some reason I can't stop reading the lame "revealing questions" .

So I thought I'd let you folk see some of these stupid questions and I'll give my own personal answers.

Question #1.
A new law says you have to change your name to match your personality. What would you call yourself?

Answer #1. Well, seeing as I know myself very well, "very" well... I'm going to go with the name "Insatiable Vivacious Delectable Coquettish". My friends would simply call me "Ivy"

Question #2. Have you ever had a sudden fear of plunging headlong into a vat of twice baked potatoes while test driving a moped?

Answer #2. No. But, I do have a license to sell hair tonic, to bald eagles, in Omaha Nebraska.

Question #3. If you had a theme song, what would it be?

Answer #3. Hahaha that's simple! "Tom Jones - Sex Bomb"

Question #4. If you wrote an autobiography of your life, what would the title be?

Answer #4. "Oh yeah, I'm Writing a Screenplay too... (isn't everyone? ...)"
It's catchy I think, don't you?

Question #5. What's the most flattering thing a date has ever said to you?

Answer #5.
"You have the most beautiful skin"
(you're surprised it wasn't something about my amazing breasts, huh?...HA!)

This book and these silly questions go on and on and on. Anyway, I'm sure you all just found out ever more useless crap about RevRee and I hope it's warmed your hearts just a little bit.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

A few nights ago, my friends back home had a big post Madi Gras costume party. Sounds like a lot of fun, right?

Well, from the news that I'm hearing, things might have gotten a little out of hand... A huge string of interesting facts have been coming my way...

Theses interesting facts that I'm about to share, have slightly damaged me, maybe even for life. You might want to sit down for this...
Interesting Fact #1 My best friend of 10+ years, has secretly had a crush on my 20 year old brother. (she's 32. She "says" the "crush" just started all of a sudden within the last year or so....Rrrrright)

Interesting Fact #2 My best friend and my little brother apparently "made" out at this party
Interesting Fact #3 Supposedly there are pictures to prove that this did take place.
Interesting Fact #4 There was a hot tub involved and the game of "footsie" was played between the two of them. (seriously, what???)
It's apparent and very obvious that from now on, I'm going to have to attend all parties my friends throw. I guess I can't leave the state and live my life...Oh, NO I have to stick around and babysit my best friend from seducing my little brother!! I mean, really, the nerve of it all!
Listen, listen, this will all be solved once I make a little trip back home next month. I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for all of this. Hell, maybe even a misunderstanding on my part... Surly, this can't be true....right? ....right?...
Oh, shit!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Hypothetically Speaking...

The other day I was thinking... I do that sometimes, think...

Anyway, I have a question that has been bothering me for a while now. I thought I might get some answers if I asked my blogging friends for some help.

Question: Hypothetically, If you could, would you suck/lick your own sexual part? IF we did have this amazing talent, would it impact sex as we know it in the world today? ALONG with those questions, IF you could pleasure your sexual anatomy orally, would you swallow?

I think this is a very good question and requires deep thought and discussion. I mean, if you were to swallow, it wouldn't be gross or anything, right? I mean it's your own liquids and such...right?...

But, if we could bring ourselves to climax orally without the use of a partner, would that destroy the human population? Would less women get pregnant?

Would STD's slowly begin to fade. Who's ever heard of getting a sexually transmitted disease from yourself?..HA

Of course there's something to be said about the amazing feeling that someone else can give you. That unexplainable, warm tingly feeling we can bring to someone we care about. What about the sweat and heat from someone else? Would this still be in such high demand?

What about pillow talk? Would we forget how to be with another person?

What about cuddling afterwards? Would we cuddle ourselves? Would we hold ourselves tight after an intense orgasm that we just gave the person we love most...our self...

Hell, there could be less crime in the world. Less sexually frustrated people and the stress level in life would sink to a new low!

The possibilities are endless...

As you can see folks, I have a very active mind and I suffer with these types of thoughts on a regular basis. Which brings me to another question, are these thoughts normal?...