Thursday, November 01, 2007

Breast Awareness

Folks, it's once again Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Ok, so actually that was back in October...BUT I still wanted to talk about the importance of Breasts and that everyone should be completely aware.

Last year I wrote a post about how we should all love the breasts and pay special close attention to them especially during this time of year.

I would encourage each and everyone one of you to take the time to give someone you care about a thorough breast exam.

Now let me first say, that I by no mean am any type of health care professional and anything I say is strictly my own personal ideas and should not be taken seriously. In other words, I'm full of crap... and, I'm a weirdo...

With that being said, I've created a few guidelines to follow when giving the proper breast exam. My boyfriend is actually the professional one on this. Although he doesn't have a PhD nor any heath care professional license either. But, he sure does know how to give a amazing, completely thorough breast exam.

(He does this thing with his fingers. Oh sweet lord have mercy! I actually wish I could share a video clip of this method as it would really demonstrate the effects it has. But, unfortunately, he has the videos and says they're under lock and key...)

ANYWAY...
  1. Make sure you're wearing an amazing push-up bra when your exam begins. This will help with the perfect cleavage you're attempting to create. (if you're flat chested, water filled bra cups work wonders for cleavage) This way the person giving the "run over" can admire their beauty. This will surely help them focus on the task at hand so they can give it their best effort.

  2. Make sure the person giving the exam has washed and dried their hands. You only want clean hands and fingers touching this delicate area. (Unless you're into dirty, filthy finger and hand prints all over your delicate boobies)

  3. This procedure is best orchestrated on the couch or at least while both parties are in the upright position. One of my personal favorites, is if the person giving the exam stands behind you while you lean back against them resting your body against the other persons chest. This technique works best if you're standing in front of a mirror. It will make it easier for you to watch where they put their fingers and hands so you can direct them to the areas that you feel need to be examined.

  4. Please don't attempt to try this while at a dinner with family members present. Especially if it's the other persons parents. Don't try an exam while driving in the car. Don't try this on the waitress at hooters, or the bartender at the bar. Co-workers are off limits, UNLESS you can guarantee the co-worker wants it. Which still could be risky... I wouldn't suggest it...

I know I talk about cleavage and breasts a LOT on my blog. Maybe some of you might even think I'm slightly obsessed. Alright, so maybe I am...so what? Shudup!

P.S. I was going to post a few pictures of a wonderful variety of breasts, but I didn't think any of you wanted to see more boobies....

11 Comments:

Blogger Sassy Blondie said...

You mean I sent that picture of my chest for nothing?? ;)

Thu Nov 01, 10:15:00 PM  
Blogger Tyler Durden said...

Every time I come to your blog I read about boobs. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, but it is a fact. I do not mind the pictures of "a variety of breasts" and I do not mind the videos either. Tell your boyfriend is for medical purposes only.

Thu Nov 01, 11:05:00 PM  
Blogger The Middle Lifer said...

How an you lead me on like that and not show Boobies? I want a refund on my ticket! Getting me all hot and bothered like that is a crime Rev, now I must go inspect wifey....

Fri Nov 02, 07:35:00 AM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

Attention ladies! As a public cervix, I will be administering FREE mammograms at my house for the next two weeks. No appointments necessary...I just ask that you email me your photo in advance so I know whether or not to answer the door.

Fri Nov 02, 05:30:00 PM  
Anonymous jdllizard said...

Now you're just being mean! This entire post is about boobs, yet there is not ONE SINGLE picture of your cleavage anywhere within said post?? WTF REV?

Sat Nov 03, 01:33:00 AM  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

When is Nut Sack Awareness Month? I want mine examined. Over and over again . . .

Sat Nov 03, 04:46:00 PM  
Blogger SpongyBones said...

Can I drive over and check ya! Just want to do my part!

Sun Nov 04, 11:55:00 PM  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

Sadly, my my man-boobs need some attention too.

Mon Nov 05, 04:46:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

I am all about the bewbies

Fri Nov 09, 12:17:00 AM  
Blogger The Charming Hedonist said...

My boobie picture didn't turn out. Or the photo developer kept it. I'm not sure.

Mon Nov 12, 08:19:00 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

*indignant grunt*

Boob tease.

Mon Nov 19, 11:54:00 AM  

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