Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Smile a little smile for me...

The other night I had a horrible nightmare. I think the only way for this terrible dream to leave my mind, is if I write about it and get it all out in the open.

Ok, first of all, you should know a few years ago, I had braces. Now, don't freak out...my teeth weren't THAT bad, plus coming from a family of like 20 children, my parents couldn't afford braces. Look, I had crooked teeth like Jewel... You know the singer? She sang that song "who can save our souls" ... never mind...

Well, anyway the insurance from the station I worked for at the time had amazing dental coverage, so I thought, what the hell, why not? I got the braces and within a year my teeth were perfect.

Soon after that, I was lucky enough to get the braces off and I've had amazingly beautiful straight teeth since, to go with my already infectious smile! At least in my humble opinion... HA!

Well, since moving to a new state I kinda sorta misplaced my retainer for a period of time. One evening, as I'm getting ready for bed, I had just finished brushing my enamels I look in the mirror and I could see a very, very slight space between my two front teeth.

This made me begin to kind of worry...worry to the point of slight panic. I searched high and low for my retainer. I finally found it and I attempted to put it in my mouth and umm, it umm broke. Well, it didn't break all the way, it was more like a severe crack.

So severe, that it was very painful to have it in my mouth. The fact that I could see a slight microscopic space between my two front teeth I was very troubled. So, YES! YES, I shoved the stupid retainer into my mouth anyway and made it fit! Hurt like hell, but I wasn't about to let my teeth go crooked inside my beautiful lips.

Besides, my mother has always said to me and my sister "It hurts to be beautiful..." She would always say this as she ripped through my tangled curly hair with a comb, when I was a little girl.

Anyway, that night I fell asleep with this extremely tight, very uncomfortable retainer in my sweet mouth. Listen, I know you're thinking I'm one crazy chick, but I don't view myself as "crazy" I like to think of myself as more of a... pioneer, a woman who understands the hardships of being a female and what it takes to accomplish perfection...

This is when the nightmare took place...

I'm looking in the mirror and suddenly my beautiful teeth have become crooked and I had a huge gap in my front teeth. I could almost see the gap getting bigger and bigger as I looked at my reflection.

I panic and begin searching for my broken retainer. Finally I find it and begin to attempt to shove this cracked retainer into my mouth. When all of a sudden one of my precious teeth breaks right off! In this forever disturbing dream, I could feel and hear the cracking as it fell right out of my head. As if it were real I tell you!

This makes me start to cry like a baby in my dream. Actually, it was more like a piercing, heart wrenching scream of horror.

The whole time I'm thinking, what the FUCK am I going to tell my "quasi" boyfriend??? I can never smile again, OH GOD! Please, not this, anything but this!!!!!!

As I'm having this "episode" inside of my dream, another freakin' tooth falls out of my head! HOLY SHIT! I try to speak, but teeth just continue to fell out of my mouth!

This is when I pop straight up in bed, sweating like a mad woman and breathing like the air had been sucked right out of my lungs! THANK GOD! THANK YOU SWEET LORD!

It was only a dream, My teeth are still beautiful and straight! Woooo that was close!

P.S. Don't worry, I'm getting a new retainer on my trip back home next week.

7 Comments:

Blogger tfg said...

That reminds me of a recurring nightmare of mine where I misplace my penis.

Wed Mar 28, 07:20:00 AM  
Blogger the dude said...

Tooth nightmares are the worst. Mostly my molars crack and fall out. The good news is when I had my retainer I got fed up and quit wearing it and the slight gap in my front teeth went away. Orthodontis don't know anything, it's the power of the mind that makes teeth move.

Thu Mar 29, 08:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Jason said...

Hmm the prettiest teeth I have ever came across...hope you are still alive after the tornado outbreak.

Thu Mar 29, 11:52:00 AM  
Blogger Legaleagle said...

I always have the nightmare where all of my teeth fall out on a first date. It IS terrifying!

Thu Mar 29, 05:07:00 PM  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

Yeah, the old "teeth falling out" dream. I get them from time to time, except in mine, my teeth just sorta crumble in my mouth and I spend a huge amount of time spitting out the little pieces. it's really gross.
I heard that dreams about falling teeth have something to do with afraid of giving up control. But I'm no shrink so nevermind.

Fri Mar 30, 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Well, your dream was about what you were actually worrying about, unlike me - I have to ascertain what in the heck my post-apocolyptic zombie dreams are all about.

Fri Mar 30, 02:34:00 PM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

Now let's see your other lips...

Mon Apr 02, 06:19:00 PM  

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