Thursday, January 25, 2007

When I win $240 million dollars...

Howdy folks! Today I did something that I usually don't and that is, I bought a powerball lottery ticket. Now, I'm not a gambling type of woman. Sure, I'll play a little Texas hold em every now and then, but I like my money (little as that may be) way to much to be giving it away at the slots or those stupid scratch tickets.

Anyway, today I decided, hey I have $1 extra dollar to spare, why the hell not! So, I went and purchased the winning numbers. Now I want you all to know that when I win the lottery, I won't forget my loyal friends. Each one of you will get a lovely personally signed picture of my breasts as well as a $100 gift card to your local wal-mart! Isn't that exciting!

Now, I've put together a list of a few things I'm going to do once I win that cool crisp $240 million!


  • Order front row tickets to a Tom Jones concert. Where I'll sing along to each of his song and I might just throw my panties on stage! (not that I find Tom Jones hot or anything...)

  • Take a first class flight to California to see the Ocean. Where I'll go skinny dipping at sunset and if I get stung by a jelly fish, I'll have a hot local California guy pee on my foot.

  • Buy Texas and give it to Canada.

  • Hire a group of clowns to shave Mighty Dyckerson Balls

  • Buy a role as a character in the HBO television show Deadwood so I can have my debut sex scene with Timothy Olyphant

  • Give FoxNews Network to my pseudo boyfriend to do with as he pleases. (he'd make them air hard-core gay porn 24 hours a day. Did I mention he hates fox news?)

  • Run for President in 2008. Why not? Everyone else is!

  • Order a lifetime supply of Snapple Rasberry Ice Tea. I seriously think they put cocaine in that stuff. It's so freakin good!

  • Ban Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Clay Aiken from making anymore god awful "music"...EVER! And, if they attempt to make "music" they shall be stoned to death in a public street and made an example to anyone who dreams of making crap "music"! So let it be written, so let it be done.

  • Make a Scotch tape porn with Clive Owen. (this is where Clive scotch tapes my entire body and then peel it back off with his teeth.)

Now, in case any of you were worried or maybe wanting to try and seduce me out of my winning ticket... I'd like to see you try and get it from me! It's in a very, very safe place...


14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jenny I've got your numbers.

Okay, so you're not Jenny, but by pressing closer to the screen, I can make out your numbers (except for the Powerball numbers, so I'll have to cover those combos and buy 53 tickets times 2).

So if you win, then I'll win too.

(p.s. - Them is some fine ta-tas)

Thu Jan 25, 06:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are those real? They look like fake lottery tickets from here.

Thu Jan 25, 01:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't win either. Shit.

Thu Jan 25, 04:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just the autographed pic, please. I don't support Walmart.

Thu Jan 25, 05:07:00 PM  
Blogger michele said...

I hope you win Rev,
ilove your campaign
promises. :)

Thu Jan 25, 05:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll powerball that ticket out of there. What? It doesn't have to make sense . . .

Fri Jan 26, 12:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm the same way! I'll buy one when I get "that feeling"...

Fri Jan 26, 01:54:00 PM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

For $240 million, I'd shave my own balls with a lawnmower.

Fri Jan 26, 05:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That reminds me. I need to pick up a Powerball ticket and some milk.

Sat Jan 27, 04:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Lawrence said...

Hmmm.. to be a powerball ticket all toasty and warm in the bosum of...

I'll stop there, hehehe!

Sun Jan 28, 09:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmmm wondering if you won or not?

Sun Jan 28, 09:58:00 AM  
Blogger Stealth said...

why buy texas and give it to canada??

WHY???

Just warn me first.... :-(

Mon Jan 29, 05:44:00 AM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

It's amazing how one pair of boobs brings out all the lurkers.

Mon Jan 29, 05:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Tripe Face said...

If I had won (I too bought tickets) I would have paid $240 just to have you take off that lacy black bra!

Sorry we lost,

Next time

Tripe

Mon Jan 29, 06:47:00 PM  

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