Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ragtime Blues

As you know, I've been attempting to find new friends in my new home state. The other night, I was invited over for some drinks and Texas hold em. I'm a pretty big fan of the game and I don't do so bad. Some of you are probably thinking, (Damn, she's cute, she's sexy, she's smart, funny, clever AND she plays poker) Well, sadly this post isn't about poker at all actually.

This post is really about the very serious subject of the female menstruation cycle and how it can really fuck up your night and quite possibly scar you for life...

Let me explain... last night we were playing poker, having a very nice time by the way, as I was on "top" (winning) I feel something between my legs... I was assuming the guy sitting next to me was getting fresh. But, his fingers felt kinds cold and wet...

I turn to look at him and he's looking down at his card....holding them with BOTH HANDS!!!!!

Ladies and gentleman, I was being molested by the family dog!! This was no small dog either, this thing was huge! Ha ha ha ha yeah laugh it up, we all know I like "huge" but not a damn dog, a damn Doberman going after my sweet parts! Did I mention I was riding the red tide, so to speak.

Apparently, as I did some research, dogs have a really good sense of smell....apparently...

Also, apparently, when aunt flows in town, I get ravenous with sexual thoughts running over and over and over and over and over again in my head!!! Ohhh GOD! They just won't stop!

Everything seems to arouse me, making me want to do very naughty things! I walk around all day with tingles running through my body, attempting to keep from having slight orgasms throughout the day.

A side note about orgasms... a friend of mine was recently sitting in the dentist office and he was browsing through a magazine and found an article about women and sneezing. Supposedly there is a new anti-depressant drug that heightens the feeling when a women sneezes sending her in to an uncontrollable orgasm.... Just think, happy all the time and orgasms! I want that drug!

And so, I'm sure you're wanting to ask, what's the damn purpose of this post? Well, I'll tell ya, don't go to your new friends place while on your period when they have dogs because they can smell it... Oh yeah, and I'm super horny when I'm menstruating....


Which is now...

11 Comments:

Anonymous sleepwait said...

who is this girl and why am i so turned on? was it the dobermans? was it the menstruation? im so confused!

Tue Dec 05, 10:26:00 PM  
Anonymous KC said...

So you've never met a doberman you didn't like?

Tue Dec 05, 11:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well played. I'll see your Royal Flush and - since I too have a strong hand - will raise you. The dog at your crotch was the "tell" I was looking for.

Wed Dec 06, 08:37:00 AM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Poker? I don't even know her.

Heh!

Wed Dec 06, 09:50:00 AM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

I'll be over in an hour. I'll bring the antidepressants and the pepper...

Wed Dec 06, 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Allrighty then....

Wed Dec 06, 05:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you want to make a good impression on new friends, I'm not so sure the way to go is getting off by letting the family dog lick your bloody cooter.

Wed Dec 06, 06:14:00 PM  
Blogger the dude said...

Just think if it was a bear. That's why we don't have women in the workplace.

Wed Dec 06, 08:21:00 PM  
Blogger DykesDog said...

LOL, thanks for the good laugh this morning and the advice!

Sat Dec 09, 10:00:00 AM  
Blogger ajooja said...

Last week, when you wrote this, I wanted to make a clever comment so bad. Thing is, I couldn't come with anything.

I've been back everyday since and I've realized I'm not all that clever anymore.

Loved the post, but I got nothing. :)

Mon Dec 11, 04:19:00 PM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

I have a mako shark that tries to do the same thing.

Fri Dec 22, 05:42:00 PM  

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