Monday, January 30, 2006

Blowin' up the Phone Lines

"Psycho male blowin' up the phone line, ya need to tighten that screw it's been loose for a long time"~Limp Bizkit

About a year ago, I got a early 5am phone call. I of course am sleeping. I let it ring, I don't answer. I let is ring again, I dont' answer. 5 minutes later the phone rings again and again I don't answer (Look, I'm not answering a blocked number at 5am, you gotta be kidding me! Leave a voice message!) 2 minutes later it rings AGAIN!!!

I sit up, cursing under my breath as I answer "Hello???"
The guy on the other end of the phone says "Hello, Is Miss RevRee there?" I say "This is RevRee..." Voice: "Umm this is Walter Thick, Levi Thick's twin brother. I'm calling this morning because *cough* *sniff* this is really hard... Because Levi passed away last week..."

(First of all, this is a true story. I've obviously changed the names of everyone involved to keep me from being sued. So, please follow along. Levi Thick is playing the part of my ex boyfriend, RevRee is of course me and Walter Thick is the supposed twin brother of Levi. Now, Back to the phone conversation.)

RevRee: "I'm sorry who are you again?..."

Walter the supposed twin: "I'm Walter Thick, Levi Thick's twin brother...and I..."

RevRee: "Wait a second, Levi doesn't have a twin brother...and you sound an awful lot like Levi mister..."

Walter the supposed twin: "I'm Walter Thick, Levi's twin brother. I'm calling because as I'm sure you know Levi had quite a big life insurance policy. Your name is mentioned on his will and policy as one of the beneficiaries."

RevRee: "Uh...huh...

Walter the supposed twin: "I'm calling to get some info from you so we can fulfill Levi's wishes after his passing..."

RevRee: "will you please hold on one second?..."

(I set the phone down and burst in to laughter) BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

RevRee: "...Sorry about what were you saying?..."

Walter the supposed twin: "Yes, I just need a little bit of info from you, such as your SS#, date of birth, address and phone number. Then I can cut you a check..."

RevRee: "You really sound a lot like Levi and HE doesn't have a twin brother! How did he "die" anyway?..."

Walter the supposed twin: " He was in Ireland, there was an accident...a skiing accident. No ma'am I am Walter, Levi's twin I assure you. I just need your info so I can finish this business..."

RevRee: "Look, I don't believe a damn word you're telling me!!! I don't believe Levi's freakin' dead, YOU'RE LEVI!!!!..."

Walter the supposed twin: "You're telling me you don't want the money?..."

RevRee: "I'm telling you I don't want a damn thing! There IS no money and even if there was any money, I wouldn't want it, LEVI!. DO NOT CALL ME!"

Walter the supposed twin: "You don't want $25,000?"

RevRee: "NOOOOOO! Do not call this number again!"


I hung up. At this point, I of course was a bit shaken. I call a friend of mine who happenens to be a Private Investigator. We'll call him "Magnum". I tell "Magnum" what had just taken place. He asks me a few questions about the psycho ex boyfriend. He tells me not to worry, he'll do some investigating and call me back shortly.

About an hour later I get a phone call from "Magnum", he tells me he just found Levi's unlisted number and that he's going to give him a call to see what he can find. A half hour passes, finally "Magnum" calls me once again. He told me he rang Levi's unlisted number and guess who answers! Ding, ding, ding YES, LEVI! The phone conversation went something like this...

Levi: Hello?

Magnum: Is Levi Thick there?

Levi: I'm Levi Thick, is there something I can help you with?

Magnum: "YOU'RE Levi Thick?..."

Levi: "Yes sir, how can I help you?"

Magnum: My name is Magnum Shaft, I'm a Private investigator. A close friend and client of mine just got a call from your twin brother Walter informing her that you had just died"

Levi: My twin brother? I don't have a twin brother and I'm very much alive..."

Magnum: So you're Levi Thick and you're not dead?"

Levi: ha ha ha, yes I'm Levi Thick and I've been alive since 1973!"

Magnum: "Well, this all sounds very suspicious. Since my good friend is involved and there's a supposed life insurance policy issue, I'm going to have to investigate this further. I've got your address and phone number, you'll be hearing from me again very soon. Thank you for your time"


Funny, I've never heard from Levi since...

The story you've just read is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Somebody To Love

"Can anybody find me somebody to love oh, each morning I get up I die a little Can barely stand on my feet Take a look in the mirror and cry Lord what you're doing to me I have spent all my years in believing you But I just can't get no relief, Lord! Somebody ooh somebody Can anybody find me somebody to love?"~Queen

If you had the chance at just a small peak into the future, one small glimpse to see your one true love, would you take that chance?

If today you had that chance to change your life, what would you choose?

If you had a chance to find out one thing about your true love would you want to know?

If by choosing one of the following 4 choices below, (this being the only info you would get) what would you pick?

A Picture: showing all the important features

A Name: the full birth name

The date: the date on which you would first meet your soul mate

The Location: the place where you would first lay eyes on your true love

I disagree with the notion that soul mates don't exist or that true love is a myth.

How many of you can look within yourself and are prepared to embrace the greater truth behind whatever answer you come up with if you had the ability to choose?

Monday, January 23, 2006

RevRee Unplugged

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in a few days.
To be truthful folks, I've been pretty down. I'm not really sure what's wrong with me. This is RevRee Unplugged...

Have any of you had that time in your life, when nothing really matters. You feel like everything around you is slowly falling apart and there's not a damn thing you or anyone else can do about it. Nothing can make you smile, no one understands and the stupidest things make you cry like a baby. Just today, I went to the movies alone and YES, I go to the freakin' movies by myself. Is there something wrong with that? I didn't think so.

Anyway, I'm at the movies...I see a scene and I just start weeping like a little child. I'm thinking to myself "What the hell is wrong with me???" But yet, I continued to cry my eyes out. They say crying is good for you...I think it is. I've talked to people before, asking how they feel about crying. Some think crying is for babies, others think it's good to let out the emotions pent up so deep inside your mind, body and soul.

Sometimes, I find the saddest songs ever made and make myself a play list. Turn out all the lights, sit back closing my eyes and just listen. It may sound really depressing, but I find that it clears my mind allowing me to let go and just be.

I thought I'd list some of the songs that are always on my sad play list.

I Miss You~Incubus
Wish You Were Here ~Pink Floyd
Mad World~Gary Jules
No Ordinary Morning~Chicane
No Woman No Cry~Bob Marley
The Warmth~Incubus
Where Did You Sleep Last Night~Nirvana
Lay Me On The Water~Gavin DeGraw
Hurt~Johnny Cash
It's Over and Done With~Proclaimers
See You When You Get There~Coolio
Dying To Live~Johnny Lang

Please feel free to use this play list if you ever find yourself feeling alone, unwanted, on the outside of life looking in, lost or just need a good soulful cry!

I Remember someone once told me, "every thing's going to be alright, I promise!" I hope that's true...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


Do you have one of those male friends and/or co-worker who insists on wearing nothing but tight clothing. Especially, extremely tight jeans.

I know someone like that. For example I'll call him "Lester". "Lester's" jeans are so freaking tight, you can't help but stare. I mean seriously.

I don't want to look at his crotch, but it's like this bulge right in between his legs.

It's disgusting and it makes me blush like an innocent little school girl. (I want to state, that this man is by no means attractive in my humble, none arrogant, nor self centered opinion.)

Just today, I'm walking down the hall, he's walking by. As he's passing me he smiles and says his usual "Hey there RevRee!!" I smile, but as I'm attempting to say "Hi Lester!" BAMMMMM right there crotch, bulge, HELP!!!! The pants are so tight, I can almost see his "Monster" pulsating...

I understand It's uncomfortable to read this. Shhhhhh Yes, I know, but I had to get this off my chest!

I honestly don't understand the thought process that goes into deciding to wear such form fitting attire. You know what's also just as disturbing? I see his "panty" line. Yes, I said "panty" line! Yep, he's a tighty whitey guy.

Oh Lord, when it's summer time, LOOK OUT! He's sporting the Magnum PI shorts! I'm not kiddin' they're daisy dukes. I'm actually afraid for this man, he might suddenly "fall out"!

At least he isn't the same guy who tells me perverted stories about strippers and his ears smelling like girl parts. I guess I have that to be thankful for...

Sunday, January 15, 2006

We're all in fact, Colored People

"When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every tenement and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old spiritual, "Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last."

Martin Luther King Jr. is one of the most inspiring people in the History of the United States. Every single time I hear one of his old speeches, it gets me happy, makes me cry, I want stomp my feet and clap my hands! His words get me high, saint defy like an old lady in church I want to jump up raising both hands in the air and say, "Sweet lord, speak to me, speak to me, speak to me!"

I see the beauty in the tones of our skin. This planet brings us together like a family reunion. We eat, we drink, we laugh and we play. All of us are human, we're all in fact, colored people and deep in my heart I do believe we shall overcome some day!

Friday, January 13, 2006

You smell like girl parts...

The other day, I was talking to an acquaintance, we'll call him "Chuck". We were doing that usual small talk routine. He starts telling me about a recent experience he had at a local strip club. Now first of all, I'm really not sure why he thought he should tell me this story...but then again, he isn't the brightest candle on the birthday cake.

Anyway, He begins to tell me how he had been having a bad day so his friends thought they would bring him to a strip club. Yes, that's a strip club is going to make him in a better mood? Not only will it sexually frustrate him, but I'd think it would make him feel even more like a loser. But, that's just my personal opinion.

So "Chuck" and his friends head to said strip club. They begin to "look" around ( I guess that's what you do at that type of place?...)

Finally one of "Chuck's" friends buys him a private lap dance in one of the back rooms. Now, listen...the whole time he's telling me this story, I'm racking my brain as to why he's telling me this story...I didn't know whether to be grossed out or appalled by this guy. The thought of "Chuck" aroused isn't the most pleasurable image...I'll just put it that way.

"Chuck" begins to tell me how as the stripper's doing her "work" she starts sniffing around his ears and neck. By this point, I'm thinking to myself "Please Stop" He continues to say she kept sniffing around like some type of dog??? I was about to shout out "Listen here buddy, you're one sick perverted puppy I don't want to hear about your fantasies of bestiality!!!!!" But, I didn't say a word. I sat and listened, hoping to god, #1 there was a point to this story and #2 the story was almost over.

"Chuck" finally asks her "what are you doing?" She's still doing her little dance as she giggles and says "Do you have a girlfriend or a wife?" Chuck says "ummmm n..o..why?" The stripper says as she's slightly laughing "I was wondering because you smell like girl parts...."


I think I'm forever damaged folks.

Monday, January 09, 2006

I Want You To Want Me

Here I am again, singing yet another hit! This time, it's by Cheap Trick. Maybe you've heard of them? NO? Maybe hearing my amazing rendition will bring it all back to you!

this is an audio post - click to play

This song exemplifies summer to me. Remember those summer days spent at the public pool, the local radio station playing in the background over the loud speaker... That's right, I'm singing
I Want You To Want Me!

A few little side facts for you:

*This is one of the few Rock songs that starts with the chorus.

*This was Cheap Trick's first hit in America. Their first 3 albums were popular only in Japan.

*Originally, the album wasn't going to be released, because Epic records thought it would be a flop.

*Dwight Yokum also did a cover.

A person really can't get any more sincere than this, when singing this song!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Adonis

The other night, I went out with a few girlfriends. It was our annual Christmas dinner. We usually get a little something for each other and we all exchange gifts over a nice dinner.

This time around, we went to this pretty fancy Italian restaurant. My friend "Sue" tried to call ahead to make a reservation, but they weren't taking any for the time we had requested. By the time I get to the restaurant, the others had been waiting for about 10 minutes. (Yeah, sometimes, I'm late...BITE ME!)

Anyway, we all take a seat at the bar, while waiting for our table. Now, this group of friends, we all love to people watch...Especially male waiters! We're all sitting up at the bar talking about the days events, what we did for the Holiday, how hot the waiter is walking towards said table.

Then I see him, the Adonis! Now, some might not think he was THAT attractive...but to me it was like a spotlight from heaven was shining down from above right on him. I couldn't help but stair as though I were a little girl in a candy shop. I'm a bit afraid to admit this but I think at one point my mouth was wide open and some slobber may have been involved...NOW, there's no proof of this, but it's been rumored.

Finally we get to our table. We had been joking with each other at how attractive this "Adonis" was. Not long after we sit down, I lose sight of said "Adonis". We all start talking about other things going on in life, as we browse through our menus.

Finally I say "Where's that hot waiter?" "Sue" slightly laughs and says "You scared him off" We, all of course get a good laugh and then I say "Yeah, I guess my hotness was too much for him, the stares were getting a little heated for our surroundings" Again, we all laugh... ha ha ha ha

Another friend, I'll call her "Brownie" continues to burst out into a very loud laugh. Right then, I had a feeling as to why she was laughing so hard. I look over at "Brownie" and say "He's right behind me, isn't he?..." "Brownie" starts laughing even does the rest of the table. (I kinda forgot the the little food ordering computer was right behind our booth.) I sink down into my seat and begin giggling like the little girl that I am.

Though out the dinner, the "Adonis" continued to walk by. Now that I think about it, it seemed really slow once he got to our table. Finally at the end of the night, he walks by and stops at our table! Before he has walked up, we were all laughing and talking. and once he walked by and stopped, the table went silent. He kinda looks around...he has a slight smirk on his face he finally turns to me and asks if he can take my plate and pack up my leftovers. I just look up at him...complete silence. I soon realize he's talking to me, I quickly snap out of it and nod my head yes. Again I think my mouth was ajar at one point.

He comes back, with my food all wrapped up, he hands it to me as he smiling. I get back to my place and as I'm putting the leftovers in my refrigerator, I look and see something's written on the side... "Love, Dyck" thats all it said...

OK, I totally just made that last part up. But, it would have been a pretty cool ending to a story, don't ya think?