Wal-Mart = High Risk

I was at Wal-mart today, I had a cart and my purse was in it. I was looking at some hair products, you know, the usual crap you would get at Wal-mart. I turn around to look at some new shampoo by Herbal Essence, when all of a sudden I find my carts gone! I'm thinking CRAP! Right then, my heart dropped to my stomach and I thought the worst within a few split seconds had just happened.

I look across the way and this lady had started pushing MY cart slowly along! At this point I'm really annoyed and a bit ticked off. So I take a deep breath and slowly walk towards her and I say "I think you have the wrong cart"... She turns around, looking at me like she was high off her rocker and says "...Oh..."

THAT'S ALL SHE SAID TO ME!!! Then she walks away.

First of all, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But, it's really hard for me to believe this lady REALLY just grabbed the wrong cart. I seriously think this woman was after my purse, maybe more...You never know in a Wal-mart.

Other Peoples Freaking Kids

Why is it that once someone has a child/children they begin to surround their entire life around that child. Now let me first state I want babies of my own one day. But honestly...I can't stand other peoples kids. Especially when they show off pictures, tell "cute" stories and talk constantly about their kids!

I don't mind a picture or two on your desk of your "cute" baby...but must you plaster your entire work area with pictures of every movement the child makes...I'm seeing screen savers with slides shows with MORE baby pictures!!! Why do these people insist on showing me pictures of their kid each time they get a new picture taken.

And Oh man, whats even worse it when the kids ugly. Let's face it people...some babies are just plain ugly. We can't help it, the baby can't help it and yes, it's sad....we can only hope the child grows out of their ugliness. Sometimes I panic when I know someones about to show me a picture of their child...I start thinking "oh lord, what if the babies ugly?" I never nor would I ever say anything mean or rude to someone about their baby, so I simply smile my best smile and say "awwww"

You can't have a decent conversation with these people anymore. ALL they want to talk about it how little Jack said his first swear word today and how damn cute it was. Or how little Ellie got into your makeup so she could be a princess....COMON PEOPLE!!! That's cute if its your child...but to me...it's annoying!

I can only hope that one day when I have babies, I won't fall victim to this phenomenon


Thank you, that's all

Bad Dream

This morning I woke up pissed off and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. Then as I was brushing my teef, it dawned on me...I had a bad dream.

Basically my dream consisted of fellow co-workers ganging up on me and being openly rude and mean. Telling me I wasn't doing a good job, I was lacking in all aspects of my performance, I didn't know anything about my job and I couldn't be taken seriously.

This horrid dream focused on two women I work with. Now, in real life I get along with these two females very well, we're friends in fact. But in this nasty dream, they were complete evil bitches! in my nightmare, I tried to stick up for myself, but they wouldn't listen. It seemed everything I said came out all twisted, it didn't even make sense to me. At one point, I was talking in slow motion. I wanted to scream!!!!! But, DAMNIT I couldn't even do that!

I go to work today, pissed off, angry and upset with these two women. I don't even want to look at them nor talk to them. I know it was a bad dream, but I'm still PO'ed and I wanna kick their ass!

GRRRRRRROWL!

Doodling

Have you ever been sitting at your desk day-dreamin, talking on the phone or maybe in an afternoon meeting, when all of a sudden you look down to find a masterpiece looking back at you?

Well, this happened to me recently and I thought I'd share the amazing beautiful art work that came from my little hands.



I know, it's breathtaking! It almost brought a tear to my very eyes!

#1 CRUSH

Why is it that when we like someone/have a crush all of a sudden we as humans become completely stupid and basically brain dead? I've talked to quite a few people, both men and woman and have found that this strange sickness does not discriminate against sex, religion, age or race. When we find ourselves attracted to someone, we lose all ability to think clearly, speak intelligently, or act "normal" in a social setting. Just so we're all on the same page a little info on what a "Crush" is

Just as our bodies grow as we get older, so do our feelings. They change and mature as we become adults. A crush is a word used to describe special feelings you have for another person, a classmate, friend or co-worker that you really like - a lot!

Here's some example phrases I've seen and heard, yes some of these I've fallen victim to spitting out when having a crush on someone.

*We should mate...(ok, that one just cracks me up, it's from a movie, but I'm sure someone out there has slipped up and used this)

*Brad ran a marathon...(she suddenly blurts out of the blue in a group setting with Brad sitting right there)

*Wow, this computer is older than me...ha ha ha (female says to male crush and she's thinking to herself, wait a minute I'm not even that old, why the hell did I just say that?? STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!)

*So, do you like stuff?(she says alone in the elevator with said crush)

*Yeah, I make a lot of money...(He says when she says hello)

*I have to tell you something very important...I want to be on you(she says looking at her co-worker dreamily)

*Can I follow you?(He ask, said crush as she gets up to use the restroom)

*Wow! Are those real?(He askes when meeting said crush for the first time)

Hi, my name is "Sue" I like peanut butter(She says quickly when introducing herself to said crush)

I'm sure most of us can think of a few lines and phrases that we've said in the past when having a crush, so you get the idea.

Remember, when you see your crush, a part of you might feel embarrassed, you might want to run away and hide, your face feels hot, your cheeks get red and you feel speechless or tongue-tied. Sometimes our crushes sneak up on us and WOW! Who was that? Noticing your crush is an exciting time in life so enjoy it!

Talk about embarrassing

Over 10 years ago, when I was the young age of 16, I went on a little road trip with a few friends. Actually it wasn't really a road trip, more like a pleasure cruise around town. It's what we called in my day "scooping the loop" or "Shagging the Drag". Anyway we all decided we wanted to stop for some ice cream.

As I'm driving I have 2 very talkative 15 year olds sitting in the back and I had one loud mouth sitting on the passenger seat right next to me. I of course being the observant leader type am listening to these girls whine, rant and rave about their so called "love life". "what is wrong with me?", "Why hasn't he called", "I can't eat ice cream, I'm too fat", "I'm never going to find a man"... blah blah BLAH!

We finally get to the ice cream shop drive throu...We're sitting waiting in line. They're still going on and on "Is there something wrong with me?", "Maybe I need to call him", "Maybe I should slip him a note", Do you think this shirt makes me look fat?"... All of a sudden they were all talking so loud, I become overwhelmed and irritated. I pull the car forward to the order window, stopping my car I turn around saying as loud as I possibly can at the top of my lungs "WOULD YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!!!! I'M 16 YEARS OLD AND I'VE NEVER BEEN KISSED!!!!!!!"

Right then I suddenly knew what I had just done as I hear "Ummm...my I take your order please.......?" Complete silence. I mean you could hear the proverbial pin drop...then all of a sudden laughter, uncontrollable laughter. Everyone in the car starts screaming like the little girls we were and laughing. Yes I even laughed too...I mean what the hell was I suppose to do? I was trapped! Finally after so much laughing, we order our ice cream. I pull up to the window to pay and I see the shop is full of people, everyone in the store was looking at me through the drive up window and they were laughing! Every damn person in that store was looking at me and laughing! I of course kept my cool, acted like nothing was wrong, paid for the ice cream and squealed off. I'll never forget that day....true story.


P.S. Just a side note...since this story took place, I have been kissed...

Hot Tub Adventure

This experience was way too wild not to post

I went to this party a while back, it was one of those "invite only" parties. I felt kinda special...

Anyway, the party was pretty good. By the time I got there most everyone had been drinking since 6pm that evening. A few of us had to work that night, so we had some catching up to do.

At the end of the night around 3am, a couple of people decided to get in the hot tub...even though they didn't have their swimming suits with them. So everyone just starts stripping, NAKED!!!! I'm like WOW...this is some WILD SHIZNIT!

I'm sitting on the deck with a few others who didn't get in the hot tub... actually watching these naked people. All of a sudden one guy gets a phone call...so he's sitting in the tub talking on his cell. Two other people decide to get out so at this point there's 3 people left in the tub.

The other two people, a guy and a girl, they don't know each other mind you! They start fondling each other...then she mounts him, than he pushes her over and he gets up against her and they start having SEX!!!!! all the while, the guy's still on his phone not paying attention to whats happening right behind him. The waters just splashing all over the place, he's trying to keep his cell phone dry and he's STILL talking on it.

I started laughing my ass off! As did everyone else sitting on the deck. One guy walks out from inside the house, turned the lights on in the tub and says "There, makes the show much better...ha ha ha" I just couldn't stop watching and I almost fell out of my chair I was in complete shock! It's still ingrained in my mind, It's burned into my memory. I think it damaged me....Hold me, I'm scared

Things women talk about

I had a conversation with a few girlfriends of mine the other day. Now, we're all mature women and of course we all enjoy talking about men. So, we get on the topic of the size of a man...

#1 Does size matter?
#2 Can you tell his size without seeing it?
#3 If a man has big hands, is this an automatic sure thing he can fill his boxers/briefs?

We all agreed that you can tell the size of a man with out seeing his package. You can tell by the way he carries himself, communicates and interacts with others.

Example of things a male might often say when talking to said female if he wasn't happy with his size: "I gotta protect my boys" "I'm sweating my balls off", "My balls itch", "I'd hurt you with this thing baby", "I'm horny", "Yeah, I do her", "Your legs are like peanut butter, smooth, creamy, and easy to spread", I love every bone in your body, especially mine! You get the Idea.

Examples of the way a male might carry himself in a crowd if he wasn't happy with his size: Adjusts himself more than needed, Keeps his hands close to, if not in his pockets, bad eye contact with women, talks about sex a lot, brings the topic of sex up in a very awkward manner

Example of things a male might often say when talking to said female if he were happy with his size:"I'm going to grab a drink, can I get you something?", "So tell me about your day", "Funny, you don't look like a democrat / republican". Basically he doesn't surround the conversation with very odd and uncomfortable sexual innuendos.

Examples of the way a male might carry himself in a crowd if he were happy with his size: Boldly goes after the women he desires, he doesn't worry about being the best looking guy out there, or having the most cash, or being the most popular guy on the planet. He just does what he needs to do, plain and simple. This is mostly due to the fact that he's confident and he knows that he has what it takes to make said female very happy. Good eye contact with women, uses his hands when talking or interacting with women. Very rarely talks about sex openly. But, when talking about sex, is very matter of fact, but never gives away his secrets.

Now, to be fair, there ARE exceptions to all of these examples and subject to change. But, the general consensus find these example to be pretty true.

Does size matter? NO! Not if said male knows what he's doing, It's that simple. You don't have to be ashamed of your size, if you've mastered your abilities in pleasing a woman and understanding her needs. You should have nothing to worry about. Be a man, have confidence in yourself. Look her in the eye and listen to what she's telling you.

If a man has big hands, is this am automatic sure thing he can fill his boxers? No, this is a complete fabrication. There's no proof that said male can have small hands and a larger package...nor is there proof a man can have big hands and have a smaller package. or Big hands and a big, you know. or Smalls hands and a small member.

There you have it. An inside look at what we females talk about. I hope this will give some of you out there more confidence and maybe open your eyes to what we want. Now you'll have to excuse me I'll be in the witness protection program for a short time. There seems to be a group of females who now want to hurt me...

Shape Shifter

Today I did laundry. I went to a laundromat, in hopes of getting all my crap washed fast and efficiently. Ok, so I have a lot of clothes...I took up maybe 10 washers, 10 dryers. While my clothes were in the wash, I had lunch with a friend right across the street...a little Chinese place (whole other story. Another place, another time)

Anyway, I get back in time, every things great, right? I proceed to load my clothes into many, many dryers. Taking up pretty much the entire place. Listen, the place was empty, alright! Stop judging me!

After loading the dryers, I leave to do a little shopping. I'm gone maybe 30, 45 minutes. NOT that long! When I walk in, the place is packed with people. Mostly old people. It was like some senior citizens tour bus on it's way to Silver Dollar City, first made a stop at the laundromat.

I walk over to my line of dryers and begin to unload them. I look over and one dryer is filled with someone else's clothes. This old man comes up behind me, gets real close and says in this creepy voice..."I put your panties on the table over there" I turn around real quick like, jumping back as I say to him as kindly as possible " Why, thank you, that was very ummm kind... I keep folding, not wanting to make eye contact with this....man.

The old guy starts watching me, as I fold my clothes. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable by this point. He starts talking..."You know, it's not very cool to leave while your clothes are in the dryer. Even though they WERE your panties. I don't mine, panties. But it COULD have pissed someone else off and THAT would have been bad... By this time, I'm pretty much freaked out. I felt dirty, I felt violated. I turn around, I stop folding my clothes, I look right in the pale eyes of this dirty old man. We're in a stare down, we look at each other for what seems like hours. All of a sudden he turns around and walks out, empty handed. As he is leaving, I see a lady taking clothes out of the dryer that once held my under garments. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS GUY DOING THERE?????? WHAT DID HE WANT???

I'm wondering, could this be the same man ( See -The Mystery of the Tall Dark Man- ) who my friend "Sue" saw? Could it be he's some type of shape shifter and changed to appear as an old man?

The Mystery of the Tall Dark Man

So one of my good friends...lets call her "Sue", had a little dinner party at her place for a few friends. We were all enjoying some Suki, having a little sushi, you know the usual single people crap.

Anyway, after a few 5 bottle of Suki, "Sue" comes running out of her bedroom screaming!! AHHHHHHHH did you guys see that????? AHHHHH!!! the light in my bedroom went out on it's own! Then, it came back up on again! AHHHHHH!!"" We're all of course like, "YEAH RIGHT, "Sue" hahaha, you're so cute when you're drunk" She continues to tell a little tale of horror, it happened to her one stormy night...

"Sue" was laying in bed, her roommate came home around 3am. He walks in the front door. (she keeps her bedroom door open when sleeping because she's a little scaredy cat) She's a very light sleeper so she wakes up as he walks in. Behind him is a man, about 6'4, dark hair, dark clothes, dressed as though he had been out on the town all night. The roommate proceeds into the apartment to his bedroom, the man was following right behind him. But, he (the man) stops when walking past "Sue's" bedroom, he stops, looks down at her, standing there watching her for what seems to be eternity. She sees him and pulls the covers over her head to hide like the little child that she is.

The next morning, she hears her roommate get in to the shower. While he's in the shower she hears someone walking around the apartment, rummaging around, going through cupboards, closets and such. She thinks to herself "Why the HELL is my roommate allowing this PERSON to freely roam around our place" She's a bit pissed off at this point.

Later on that day, she says to her roommate "You know, I don't care of you bring one of your "club" friends home with you, but I'm not really comfortable with them rummaging around the house going through our stuff..." The roommate cuts her off "What are you talking about?" "Sue" goes on to say how he had brought someone home with him the night before. The roommate says "I didn't bring anyone home with me last night "Sue" I came home alone" "Sue" Begins to tell him how she saw a tall dark man walking right behind him, stopping to look at her and then continuing to follow the roommate to his room. She also went on to tell him she heard him walking around the place that very morning. Roommate says "I thought that was you?" "Sue" says "NO!!!" Roommate says "then who did I hear?"

What does it all mean??? Is the apartment haunted? Why are lights going on and off by themselves??? Why is "Sue" seeing strange men watching her???

The mystery continues...I'll keep you updated.

For the love of GOD, how many weddings must I attend??

It's like the plague! One person decided to get married, then everyone else thinks "Oh crap, so and so's getting married, we best be gettin' hitched too!"

Don't get me wrong, I want to get married too. I want to have all the beautiful colors, blah blah blah. But, why is it like the latest Summer/Fall fashion show to get married? People worry so much about what everyone else is doing, how everyone will like their colors, table favors, cake, they forget what it's all about.

I hate when someone asks me "did you have a good time, while at said wedding?" NO! I didn't have a good time! It's a wedding, you don't go to weddings to have a good time.

I recently went to a wedding for a very young 21 year old couple. At the reception, the guy who was suppose to be some kind of "Party DJ" thought he was the king shit! In order to get the crowd "excited" he got up on chairs and shook his tambourine around as though he were being slain in the spirit! PRAISE THE LORD!!! MORNING GLORY HALLELUJAH! Hahahahahha I wanted to die laughing!

The wedding is for YOU! NOT for ME! I don't care what kind of cake you're going to have. I don't care about table favors. I don't care about the color of the bridesmaids dresses. I don't care about the flowers! DO what you want! This is YOUR day, NOT MINE!

Chances are, once I leave the church, I'll forget about the whole thing. I won't remember the color of the dresses, the flavor of the cake or if you used bird seed or bubbles.

I'll tell you a little secret...catching the bouquet doesn't mean you're next.

I'll leave you with that thought...