When I win $240 million dollars...

Howdy folks! Today I did something that I usually don't and that is, I bought a powerball lottery ticket. Now, I'm not a gambling type of woman. Sure, I'll play a little Texas hold em every now and then, but I like my money (little as that may be) way to much to be giving it away at the slots or those stupid scratch tickets.

Anyway, today I decided, hey I have $1 extra dollar to spare, why the hell not! So, I went and purchased the winning numbers. Now I want you all to know that when I win the lottery, I won't forget my loyal friends. Each one of you will get a lovely personally signed picture of my breasts as well as a $100 gift card to your local wal-mart! Isn't that exciting!

Now, I've put together a list of a few things I'm going to do once I win that cool crisp $240 million!

• Order front row tickets to a Tom Jones concert. Where I'll sing along to each of his song and I might just throw my panties on stage! (not that I find Tom Jones hot or anything...)
  
  
• Take a first class flight to California to see the Ocean. Where I'll go skinny dipping at sunset and if I get stung by a jelly fish, I'll have a hot local California guy pee on my foot.
  
  
• Buy Texas and give it to Canada.
  
  
• Hire a group of clowns to shave Mighty Dyckerson Balls
  
  
• Buy a role as a character in the HBO television show Deadwood so I can have my debut sex scene with Timothy Olyphant
  
  
• Give FoxNews Network to my pseudo boyfriend to do with as he pleases. (he'd make them air hard-core gay porn 24 hours a day. Did I mention he hates fox news?)
  
  
• Run for President in 2008. Why not? Everyone else is!
  
  
• Order a lifetime supply of Snapple Rasberry Ice Tea. I seriously think they put cocaine in that stuff. It's so freakin good!
  
  
• Ban Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Clay Aiken from making anymore god awful "music"...EVER! And, if they attempt to make "music" they shall be stoned to death in a public street and made an example to anyone who dreams of making crap "music"! So let it be written, so let it be done.
  
  
• Make a Scotch tape porn with Clive Owen. (this is where Clive scotch tapes my entire body and then peel it back off with his teeth.)
  

Now, in case any of you were worried or maybe wanting to try and seduce me out of my winning ticket... I'd like to see you try and get it from me! It's in a very, very safe place...

"If your blog beats mine, I'm going to cut off my hands!"

I just wanted to make a quick post about a situation that took place a few weeks ago. It all started when the Mighty Dyckerson decided to have his blog reviewed by a site called Blog Laughs. Basically this a community of fellow bloggers who all take part in reviewing submitted blogs. They have about a week to read and send back their opinion of said blog. It's actually a really interesting process and it seems quite fair.

Anyway, in my opinion, Dyckerson got a pretty good review, all in all I think it was a fair and balanced observation. I thought this seemed like a lot of fun, so I submitted my blog for review.

After submitting my blog, I got an email from Dyckerson stating and I quote "If your blog beats mine, I'm going to cut off my hands!"

Well, ladies and gentlemen, my blog scored quite a bit higher then ole Mighty Dyckerson...his score was 85.7 and mine was 87.2 (click on the numbers to read the actual reviews)

HAHAHAHAH LA LA LA LA LA!!! I WIN!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!! *Cough*

Sorry .... Now listen, I'm not asking that he cut any extremity off ...but I would hope that we can at least come to some type of compromise?...

That's where you, my fellow blogging friends come in. I'd like you to help me figure out what Mighty Dyckerson is going to do for me!

I was thinking along the lines of some sort of penance he has to do in order to avoid chopping off his hands and ideally it should last a whole year.

I've come up with a list of just a few ideas...

1. Wear a cutesy "mom" pin on his shirt to work everyday for a year.
   
   
2. Switch to single ply recycled material scratchy toilet paper.
   
   
3. Spend at least ten minutes every Monday discussing "Desperate Housewives" with his coworkers.
   
   
4. Shave his ball(s).
   
   
5. Work the catch phrase ''thats so swank!'' into every conversation.
   
   
6. Subscribe to the church of Scientology newsletter and read every issue diligently and post an editorial of it's contents on his blog.

7. Wear a baseball cap with the phrase "RevRees Bitch '' on it any time he consumes an alcoholic beverage, at home or in public.

8. Only carry and use pens with pink ink in them.

9. Eat a bowl of cottage cheese with canned peaches, while watching at least 5 Hallmark Hall of Fame mades for TV movie on Lifetime (television for women).

10. Go to a different doctor every month and request a thorough prostrate exam.

11. End every blog entry this year with the phrase ,'' but of course, RevRee is so much better at this than I am, why do I bother?...''

That's about all I can think of at this moment. I'm sure you folks can help Dyckerson think of some way we can get this cleared up without having to remove a limb...

***UPDATE***

Mighty Dyckerson Enterprises has released the following statement:

"Mighty Dyckerson categorically and emphatically denies making any statements regarding the cutting off of any extremities. Furthermore, Mighty Dyckerson fails to recognize the validity of BlogLaughs and its reviewers' opinions. Mighty Dyckerson remains dedicated to providing his readers with entertaining, enlightening, and informative posts about his genitalia and bodily functions. Mighty Dyckerson thanks you for your attention to this matter."

~MD

Fe Fi Fo Fun For Me

When I was in college, I worked as a DJ for a local radio station. I was the young age of 18 and at this point in my "broadcasting career" I didn't know much about good music. I mean, seriously I thought I knew about good music, but that was when I thought "Blessed Union of Souls" was a good group and I still thought the 4 none blonde's song "What's going on" was an amazingly genius song. So much heart and soul, when I thought 25 was old and.... Ok, I admit I still love that song ALRIGHT! I shout out singing at the top of my lungs whenever I hear it on the radio... so what if I downloaded it to my laptop...

So, the point the all this is, I was browsing youtube.com at work the other day, while I was pretending to be working and I found the song above all songs! The lyrics really are genius and the beat mesmerizes you! I tell you, this song changed me as a person. It helped shape me in to the sweet, funny, beautiful, sexy, thoughtful, smart, witty, successful, woman that I am today. Ok, enough about me...

Anyway, I found the actual music video for this sWeet song and I thought I'd share it with you! I had never seen the video before the other day, I just knew of the song and I thought it was awesome! Now I've discovered the video and now... now, it's FREAKIN' AWESOME!



Moloko - Fun for Me

"I dreamt that I was dreaming, I was wired to a clock,
Tickled by the minute hand tick tock tick tock.

I dreamt Im on a train and it is making music,
I dont remember getting on clickity click clickity click.

I dreamt that I was very tall, I was bigger than king kong,
I heard the bells the bells a ringing a ding dong ding dong.

I dreamt that I was sitting in the devils company,
He gave a solemn promise fe fi fi fun for me.

I dreamt that I was chasing the monster out of me,
I caught him in the corner ha ha hee hee hee.

I dreamt Im in a tunnel between here and now,
Scooby do-be where would you be bow wow wow wow.

I dreamt Im at a crossroads no place left to go,
I look in each direction eenie meanie miny mo.

I dream I am an ostrich head deep in the sand,
There is a rhythm thats a playing fantastic elastic band.

I dreamt that the bogeyman went down on mr spock
Sugar was a flowing sock it to em sock.

I dreamt I saw a moo cow jump across the moon
Just a flight of fantasy zoom zoom zoom.

I dreamt I met a spaceman he took me to his ship,
You know he cut my hair off snip snip snip.

I dreamt that I was sleeping asleep for heavens sake
The dream that I was dreaming caused me to awake.

I dreamt that I was way up I was standing on the top
With the feeling I was falling bop beep bop.

I dreamt that I was jumping in a circus through a hoop,
Someone saw the lights off shoo-be-doop.

I dreamt that I was fast I was never shutting up,
I was going in a hurry I was giddy-up giddy-up.

I dreamt Im in the park Im standing in the nudey,
I was getting what I wanted tootie fruity tootie fruity.

I dreamt that I was dreaming, I was wired to a clock,
Tickled by the minute hand tick tock tick tock.

I dreamt Im on a train and it is making music,
I dont remember getting on clickity click clickity click.

I dreamt that I was very tall, I was bigger than king kong,
I heard the bells the bells a ringing a ding dong ding dong.

I dream I am an astrich head deep in the sand,
There is a rhythm thats a playing fantastic elastic band,
Fe fi fi fun for me."

SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU SERIOUSLY ANNOYING UNBALANCED WOMAN!

Have you ever been stranded at work for the entire weekend, due to a severe ice storm (or so the Governor of the state thinks it's so bad, he calls for a "State of Emergency"...YEAH RIGHT, Whatever!), working 15 hours each of those days and being teamed up with the "weird chick" co-worker from your job as your roommate for the hotel room your workplace got for you. But, because you work in television news, you can't use the room because you have to do weather updates every half hour until 5:00AM!

Finally getting to the hotel room you HAVE to share with the "weird chick" and she turns the damn heat up to like 10000 degrees! And if you usually slept naked but couldn't because the "weird chick" you're sharing the room with is sleeping in the bed next to you, you had to wear clothes to bed, because you'd rather be dead than to allow her to see your naked body.

Only to find that you can't sleep because it's so freakin hot, you can't breath and all of a sudden you're wet, but not that good wet, but that nasty, "it's so damn hot in here, Oh my god I've lost 10 lbs and my clothes are soaking wet", wet...

Having to wake up hearing an unfamiliar, yet really annoying voice say "revree, wake uppppppp" as she throws open the curtains, forcing the sun to shine right down on your already overheated, sweaty body! The "weird chick" continues "it's time for something to eat! Let's go down and see what we can find!!!!!" This in turn makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU SERIOUSLY ANNOYING UNBALANCED WOMAN!!!!

Yeah...I'm thinking that may have been a little bit much on my part?... Considering we're still stuck sharing a room...

I'm afraid to fall asleep...Help...

7 things you've always wanted to know about RevRee

Since it's the start of a brand new year and because I can't think of anything else to blog about, I'm going to attempt to share some things you've always wanted to know about me or maybe didn't want to know about me... Nevertheless, I'm going to tell you anyway.

Please remember, these aren't necessarily numbered most important to least important...I just thought numbers would look better rather then bullet points.

1. I have a slight obsession with scotch tape. When I was younger, I'd take scotch tape and wrap it around each of my little fingers and pretend I had long fingernails. I would also take numerous pieces of tape and tape my mouth shut. I don't tape my mouth shut anymore, but I do keep scotch tape around the house and whenever I see scotch tape sitting some place, whether at work or I'm just out and about, I HAVE to stop and grab a piece and wrap it around my finger... it calms me. What?
   
   
2. I'm a doodler, I doodle all the time. While at work, sitting at home or at other people's places, I'm always attempting to draw the perfect flower or star. Sometimes it's a combination of the two made in to one piece of art work. In my office at work or my desk at home, you'll find papers filled with little drawings I've created. I keep them all, because let's face it, they might become valuable some day.
   
   
3. For many years, I was under the impression that I was a C cup. But, just recently I decided to find out my actual bra size at the local Victoria Secret, low and behold, I'm actually a D cup! This would explain why my bra straps would constantly fall off my shoulders. Thank God, that problem has been solved...
   
   
4. I can't stand country music, in fact, country music pretty much angers me. All the damn songs sound the same and I don't think ANY tractor is sexy. I will admit, I'll enjoy a little Johnny Cash every now and then, but lets face it folks, country music today, SUCKS! The really f'ed up part to this is, I want to learn to line dance... I know that seems really screwed up and seriously off. But, I wanna know how those people boot scoot and boogie! Maybe, since I'm half black and half white, I could learn to combine steppin AND line dancing, that might be kinda cool!
   
   
5. I used to mix/spin records back in the day. The name "RevRee" actually came from my spinning days. It's my "cute" way of spelling the actual word "Reverie" which means, to "be lost in thought" or "A state of dreaming while awake". It's pretty deep, don't ya think? And, very original I might add... Alright, alright! So I might have danced with glowsticks, so what?...
   
   
6. I secretly want to sing like one of those black woman in church. Seriously, have you heard those woman? They're amazing! Complete control over every cord in their voice to make the most heavenly sounds. I remember seeing this commercial when I was younger. It was a commercial about visiting Chicago. The song was set up as though it were an old black gospel song. I still remember the words...Like ta hear it? Hear it goes! "Ohhhh Whenever I feel, I need something more, I count the things I'm grateful for... I close my eye and go back home, oh sweet surprise, oh my Chicago..."
   
   
   
7. I collect paper weights...that's right, I said paper weights. Every shape, size, glass ones, wood ones, pewter ones, marble ones. You name it, I got it folks. Whenever I travel anywhere, I will make it my mission that before I leave that town, I'll get a paper weight. Each time I've been to Vegas, I find those really cheap paper weights with the little dice under plastic, yep, I'll get it. Most of my friends around the country will send me paper weights they've found. The downside to this is, any type of birthday or holiday where presents are involved, I get paper weights....it's out of control, I tell you!
   

There you have it friends, 7 things you didn't know about me, but now you do! I hope this has been as entertaining for you as it has been for me! As I brows this list, it makes me realize all these little things make me look pretty much like a freak. Yeah, I'm a weirdo. But, I wouldn't want to be anyone else.... ok maybe Shakira or that chick who plays Jean Gray on the X-men.. she's pretty cool!

Fra-gee-lay

So I'm still waiting for the package I sent to arrive for my close friend. Today Marks the 15th business day it's been missing! I've called numerous post office stations, attempting to do some of my own investigation work and alas I've been 100% unsuccessful.

One of the many times I called the Post office, I talked to this woman who I'll call "Shawnika"... I believe I counted right when she put me on hold 10 times. Each time I'd sit listening to the same blasted Jon Bon Jovi song "You Give Love A Bad Name" I wasn't a fan of Jovi before and I'm defiantly not a fan now! But, damnit I know all the words to that freakin song!! AHHHHH! I think at one point I even started singing along as I was on hold. I honestly think they put that stupid music on to brainwash us all as we have to sit there for hours on end, waiting to get the stupid service we demand. We hear that song over and over again, and it slowly makes us forget why we even called. It's all part of their master plan to take over and rule the world!

Anyway, Each time "Shawnika" would come back on the line she'd say "What was it you wanted?" I'd explain once again, in a very calm, sweet voice the problem at hand. She would then cut me off in mid sentence and say, "why are you calling??" I'd calmly say "The package I sent out 15 days ago is missing and I need to know what steps need to be taken in order for us to resolve this problem and find my package." She again would say "hold o..." click and I'd be on hold again!!! "Shot through the heart, And you’re to blame. You give love a bad name!"

This went on as I said, 10 times!!! Finally she comes back once again asking me my name and then the name of the recipient of the package. Then she cuts me off again, "NO, it's not here...ok? Thanks for calling" CLICK The bitch hung up on me!!!

Because I always get what I want and I don't give up easily...I call the USPS customer service phone line AGAIN! This time I get a very nice gentleman who listened to my problem, got all my information and told me he would look in to the problem and give me a call back. I actually don't believe a word he said to me and I think he was full of shit.

For all I know, he was sitting right next to the lady I talked to before and they're both having a good laugh at my expense as they enjoy the contents of MY package while sitting in their cubicle! I'm going to give them one day, ONE DAY! Then I'm gonna call back again and again and again until I get some answers...!!!...

Wait, I have a phone call, please hold...

An angel's smile is what you sell you promise me heaven, then put me through hell Chains of love got a hold on me when passion's a prison, you can't break free.

You're a loaded gun There's nowhere to run No one can save me The damage is done Shot through the heartand you're to blame You give love a bad name

I play my part and you play your game You give love a bad name You give love a bad name Paint your smile on your lips blood red nails on your fingertips.

A school boy's dream, you act so shy You very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye You're a loaded gun There's nowhere to run No one can save me The damage is done

Shot through the heartand you're to blame You give love a bad name I play my part and you play your game You give love a bad name You give love a bad name"

BREAKING NEWS!!! THE PACKAGE HAS ARRIVED!!!!

I REPEAT, THE PACKAGE HAS ARRIVED!!!