Monday, August 07, 2006


The other night, I was having a talk with my single, unattached, girlfriends. We got on the topic of what our "soul mate" will be like. Do you, or have you ever daydream(ed) about what that person will be like? I find that I do this often. (yes, I'm a romantic dork!) At a few points in my life, I thought I had found that person. But, it just didn't work out.

Instead of allowing that fact to get me down, I've been trying to take a different approach. Why not be excited about who that person will be! Stop thinking every guy you meet "might be the one" Why not, keep your standards high and stop settling for someone less then what I want, just because I need "affection" and "attention". Why not keep my options open and just have fun!

My girlfriends and I sometimes play this game. (Yes, we're nerds... so what? Shhhudup!) Anyway, Each of us will take turns telling one another what we think their future man will be like. We'll talk about what their personality might be like, how tall they could be, what color eyes they will have, the kind of career he's in and so on...

Yes, it's a bit shallow and maybe even a bit crazy, but we find pleasure in it. As well as it gives us some hope. Yes, I also know, we're grown women playing little girl games. but listen, it's fun and it makes us still feel like there's still light for each of us single unattached women.

Some women have the tendency to get so serious and attached themselves to someone before they really get a chance to know about him and who they are. This is due to the fact that society has brainwashed them in to thinking, "listen honey, you aren't getting any younger, your eggs aren't going to last forever. You better snatch yourself up a man before it's to late!!!!!!!"

I've actually witnessed a chick who started planning her wedding and was looking for wedding rings 2 weeks after meeting "this wonderful guy" I've also witnessed some bitch who thought she'd trick her "old man" in to proposing to her by making him jealous. She did this by sending herself flowers pretending it was some other guy who was interested in her. How fucked up is that?

We as women, need to stop taking things to freakin' seriously and start having fun! We need to get ourselves under control and get some dignity! Don't start jumping to conclusions and start making your wedding guest list and start fighting with your sister about your wedding colors. (Yes, someone I know actually did that too) Just because some hot guy asked for your damn number.

Now if you will please excuse me, I need to finish this book on baby names...


Anonymous Sodapop said...

I loved this post! Found ya on BE, wanted to comment...since I'm a single unattached woman myself, it's painful to watch the "desperate" acts some women take just to get together with someone. Settling is not good. I'd rather be single for a few more years than settle for something less than what I deserve or want in a man.

take care :)

Sun Aug 06, 09:02:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Okay, I think I know what is going on here, and I am flattered, really. Be we are friends, and I am already married.

Did I let you down gently? :)

Mon Aug 07, 04:32:00 AM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

What a pathetic waste of time. Isn't that what the "Mystery Date" board game is for?

Mon Aug 07, 06:42:00 AM  
Blogger thebillofbrothers said...

Sometimes you want to love and/or be loved so bad that it's all too easy to fall into a fast-paced romance.

But when you find someone who makes you feel... ahhhh... it's ok to rush in if you keep in mind that there's a possibility of it not working out.

Me, I don't fall fast or hard. I've learned to try and keep the right perspective on things but at the same time allow myself to give and recieve the notions or acts of love so romance can flourish.

Am I making sense?? Where's my espresso...

Mon Aug 07, 08:30:00 AM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

Sometimes it works the other way-I knew from almost the day I met her that I wanted the woman I married to be with me forever. I held my tongue, though, for a long time :)

Mon Aug 07, 01:51:00 PM  
Blogger Gadzilla said...

I must say, the worry game that women play, AMAZES me. The "what-if" scenario is so over-used. I also do understand that their are sadistic women out there that do crazy things to keep men in their lives by force. Such as getting pregnant with "his" kid and sometimes it really isn't or it is and she "forgot" to take her pill on purpose. Thankfully, I've never crossed paths with a woman like that and hopefully never will.

I do believe in connections between people. The whole soulmate thing is just a marketing ploy. I hate marketers. Valentines day sucks not because of corporation hunger that feeds on the emotions of sweet innocent couples. (LOL.. I am rambling and this is where I stop.)

Mon Aug 07, 07:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Cash said...

I agree. Women SHOULD stop worrying about finding 'the one' ... take the scientific approach. Scientists know there's always another supermodel just down the road. When we find one who can bake pies and has a deviant streak in the sack, then we settle down for a little while ... but we're rambling men at heart so the travelling shoes will be on again soon enough.

Tue Aug 08, 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Nubian Nerd said...

Actually, many relationship experts (don't you just love that title) encourage people to fantasize about the kind of person they desire. For example, Dr L. A. Helgoe writes:

'Desire is a great motivator and automatically moves us toward our goals. Being aware of our desires also helps us notice when fulfillment is standing right in front of us. And desire is sexy. I've been amazed by the transformation in therapy clients when they learn to express their desires. Plastic surgery could not do as much for their attractiveness. And, not surprisingly, they start to get dates. Ever thought of what it means when you say someone is "hot"? Hot is turned on, alive, ready to engage. A hot person is about to create chemistry.

So let your excitement build. In fact, go ahead and add fuel to the fire. Fantasize, regularly. Self-help guides repeatedly tell us to envision our desired outcome, because it works. Don't be afraid of becoming preoccupied or regressing to an adolescent state. Revel in the fact that you get another shot at one of the most compelling experiences in life. Ah, chemistry.'

...and if Dr Helgoe says it, then it must be true!

Tue Aug 15, 04:29:00 PM  

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