Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Break Up Lettter

As we all know breaking up is a difficult thing to do. Inevitably someone is going to get hurt. If this is something that you are experiencing now or maybe some time in the future? Feel free to use this letter as a sort of "template" for your breakup, just change the names and genders accordingly.

*This is a dramatization template. The names used are not real and they should be changed - Thank you*

Dear Michael,

You said that your back was hurting. Does it still hurt? I hope not. Look, I just don't think that we are right for each other. It's not because you're ugly. I'm not that good looking either. I just think that we should see other people. Don't you ever just see other people and wonder what they are like? What it would be like to date them? I do, a lot.

I don't hate you. It's just hard for me to think of you as a boyfriend. I've been with only you for the past six months (I did kiss John once and meant to tell you) and that has seemed so long to me. I don't think it means that we can't ever be friends. I just don't want to see you for a while.

I'm also sorry that your Dad just died. I liked Gary even though we didn't ever really talk. You can't imagine how hard it must be for me to be dating a guy whose father just died. It's not easy. That's another good reason for us to break up. I'd just like to be with a guy who doesn't cry all the time and ask questions that make me feel uncomfortable. It's not you it's me.

We did have some good times and I'll always remember them. Like all the times that we spent talking about our wedding, and what it would be like. Our children's names, I think we came up with some good ones! Funny, huh? I mean since we are never going to be married or have kids together.

John is having a party next weekend, and I really want to go. I'm not sure if you were even invited, but it would be great if you didn't come. I don't want you or me to feel awkward. People might notice. I'm not going there for a guy or anything.

Oh yeah, that picture that you gave me of you and I at the beach in that nice frame? I don't really know what to do with it since we're not dating anymore. Do you want it back? I mean I still want the frame just not the picture.

So just to be sure that you understand, it's not you it's me, and I don't hate you. Do you understand? I hope so, because I remember that I have to repeat things a lot to you.

Anyways, have a wonderful day!

Just Friends,


Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

Thank you for providing this wonderful service to your readers! I shall utilize your letter at once!

Wed Jul 12, 09:48:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Well, I can see where this letter might be useful for the more timid and squeemish folks out there.

I have found that breaking up is actually pretty easy, if you've got the stomach for it.

I cook a nice dinner at home, very romantic with candles and everything. And then right before dessert I point behind my girlfriend and shout "That alien is wearing my underwear!" When she turns to look I bludgeon her skull with an iron skillet and bury her in the backyard.

In back of my house, in the northeast corner of the yard, where the dirt is loose? Don't go over there.

Thu Jul 13, 03:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Mr. Fab. That way she can't tell her girlfriend (the one you really wanted to date) that you're an asshole.

Thu Jul 13, 10:49:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Anthrope said...

I wish my ex had broken up with me that way instead of getting me drunk, slipping me ecstacy and viagra, and dropping me off in a Turkish prison. It was a rough night, but at least the coffee was good the next morning.

Thu Jul 13, 05:23:00 PM  
Blogger Chief Scientist said...

Geez, I got a letter just like this once.


Come to think of it, it was from you.


Thu Jul 13, 11:20:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home