Friday, May 12, 2006

Top Heavy

Last night I went out with "Fred" once again....YES, YES! We've gone out quite a few times since my last post. This is one of the reasons why I've been slacking in my blogging. Forgive me, but when a seriously hot guy wants to be with me, you're all gonna have to wait!

We both decided to try out a place we hadn't been to before. So, we went to this place in which I'll call "Glory Box". This place was filled with what would appear as suburbanite posers, with fake tits and hair. Ok, I'll admit that one of the reasons we choose this place was because of the amazing drink special. $5.00 cover & $1.00 drinks You tell me, how the hell can you pass that up? You can't!

Anyway, we arrive, order our drinks and observe the place. There's an upper level to this venue, which was the dance floor. It was filled with prepubescent supple asses. I was amazed at some of these people walking around.

At one point I'm telling "Fred" a story about something and this...this THING walks by me. I think it was female, but for all I know it could have been an alien. I say this because of what I observed before my eyes. I saw a white sun dress, I actually think it was just a long shirt. She was wearing white pumps and her entire body was darker then the skin God gave her.

The most disturbing part was the upper half of this creature. Let's just say she was a bit top heavy... Ok, a LOT top heavy. The northern part of this "dress" had the equivalent of a string bikini. Then I see two bowling balls where her breastes should have been. We're talking DDD or maybe even an E!!! I stop in mid sentence, my jaw drops and I'm memorized...I can't stop looking at these melons. They were disgusting!!!!!!!! AHHHH MY EYES!, MY EYES!!!!! So hard, so stiff, so bold! I mean usually with natural breasts, you'll see some slight movement or a bounce here or there. But, with her....nothing...not a damn thing.

To make things even more entertaining, she had one of those butterfly tattoos on her bare shoulder. I honestly don't know what this female looked like, I don't think anyone knows. Everyone's too controlled and memorized by her fakeness. Even I couldn't stop looking at them and I have my own boobs! I would have taken a few pics with my trusty camera phone, but I was entranced and couldn't get to it fast enough.

I wonder how she sleeps at night? See, I enjoy sleeping on my tummy, but I don't think she could do that. I also wonder if those "things" move during sex?

AHHHH! I have so many questions!!! I should have followed her to the bathroom and asked her a few. You think she would mind?


Blogger Skwerly said...

Creatures like that do not sleep. They don't eat, either. All they do is shop, sunbathe, and preen themselves. They are not human.

Fri May 12, 04:20:00 PM  
Blogger Chief Scientist said...

Wait ... she is sporting a tiny sun dress, a tan, big tits AND a tramp stamp on her back and we're supposed to be disgusted?

Tell me, was the tattoo asian characters? 'cause if a girl like that has a tattoo with asian characters, you can pretty much put it anywhere.

Fri May 12, 05:12:00 PM  
Blogger jack said...

That alleged female probably wouldn't have minded at all. She would have been glad you noticed.

Your blog is fun to read. Really!
I'm hoping you see this Fred guy for the dipstick he is -- and quick -- so you'll post more often again.

Fri May 12, 07:38:00 PM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

FRED??!!??!!?!? WHAT THE FUCK???!?!?!?!!??!


Fri May 12, 08:15:00 PM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

And your camera phone was where?

I do have to say though, what did you expect from a place called "The Glory Box?" Poetry readings, classical piano? You're lucky that place didn't have a donkey show.

Sat May 13, 01:13:00 AM  
Blogger RevRee said...

Mod: Now that I think of it, yes it was in fact an asian character tottoo!

Dyck: Just because he wears pink doesn't make him gay!!!

Portland: My camera phone was on vibrate tucked in my cleavage...

Jack: I can't help it. Call me shallow but he has hot hands!

Skwerly: What's a Skwerly?

Sat May 13, 08:30:00 PM  
Blogger tfg said...

He wears pink and is a habitual puker?

Sat May 13, 09:31:00 PM  
Blogger thebillofbrothers said...

You can't help but stare... They call your name whatever sex you are...

"Look at us. We are huge and odd looking. Will we burst right in front of you? Maybe. Keep looking. Wait. Look again. Now take a drink. Now look at us again."

At least that what they say to me...

Mon May 15, 03:33:00 PM  
Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...

I'm with Skwerly.

And I have a girlfriend that got fake ta-tas and lost the sensation in her nips. So, while this preen machine may think she has grabbed the world's attention with her silicone globules, she can't even keep her own attention during you-know-what.

Tue May 16, 10:52:00 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Daddy dint giver no 'tention.

Tue May 16, 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger Skwerly said...


A Skwerly is a magical mysterious creature from the far, far away land of Oak Lah Hó Maa. Skwerlies are very susceptible to slackage at work caused by excessive blogreading.

Wed May 17, 10:17:00 AM  
Blogger Denial said...

At least she can easily stash her cash and lip gloss in her cleavage.

Sun May 21, 10:42:00 PM  
Anonymous winch said...

on this topic, I have to share a bad joke that a friend sent me:

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough.
Women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thu Jun 01, 02:42:00 PM  
Blogger Spc. Freeman said...

Fake breasts are SUCH a turn-off. Might as well amputate the damn things at that point, because all they become is useless, cold, immobile lumps of flesh.

Thu Jun 08, 03:04:00 AM  

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