Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Red lipstick & Earrings

So the other day I was talking with my mother, and of course as most parents of single adult children, she asks me "Anyone new in your life sweetie?" I am so freaking tired of this damn question that I usually make up a story about some renegade who I'm secretly seeing and I'm about to have his baby. Most of the time this makes my mother shout out "REVREE MARIE!!!"Heheheh It cracks me up every time!

Sometimes, I'll share with my mom my current dating experiences. I did tell her a little bit about "Fred" Of course, I left out the entire drunk until he puked part....ok actually I didn't tell her a damn thing about him, not even his name. I simply told her I was going out for a drink with someone.

Her exact words to me were as followed, "Make sure to wear earrings, and put on some lipstick! You always look so feminine when you wear earrings and lipstick..."

Wow, thanks MOM! Gee, I'm sure the earrings and lipstick will guarantee to get me a man! Gosh, I almost fucked up the entire date! THANK YOU for reminding me. I mean, what would have happened if I hadn't put on earrings, let alone if I don't put on some BRIGHT RED lipstick! I wouldn't want to look like a bum!


Blogger Chief Scientist said...

And 5-inch heels would help your cause.

Is that a Rita Hayworth picture??? Well, she was Rita Canseco then ... before she got the American-looking hair and such. Nice touch. I look you more if I think you look like Rita Hayworth.

Wed May 03, 01:09:00 AM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

I wear a nose ring and brass knuckles. Works every time.

Wed May 03, 06:35:00 AM  
Blogger tfg said...

My mother is always giving me dating advice, too. She'll say things like, "No bare-assed spanking on the first date," "Don't forget to take your penicillin first," and "Did you bring enough chloroform?" I guess moms are all the same everywhere.

Wed May 03, 07:44:00 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

Shit! That is what I've been doing wrong this whole time. I'm off to buy earrings and some whore-red lipstick, before work today. Toss in some hooka heels and I might be able to make some extra cash too.

I could loan you my oldest spawn. Since I'm half Injun, he might be able to pass as your own. Of course, you would have been 16 when you had him. Think your mom would approve?

Thu May 04, 06:21:00 AM  
Blogger Chief Scientist said...

Jodi, you're part Injun?? I am too! Not because of ancestry but because I ate a fucking Seminole girl at FSU during spring break.

Thu May 04, 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger RevRee said...

What if I just wore heels w/out lipstick and earrings? What would happen?

Thu May 04, 12:23:00 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

Moderator - Everyone needs a little Injun in them from time to time.

Rev - I think you would look marvelous darlin' and that is my plan too. I can't give up my lip gloss for the whore-red.

Thu May 04, 05:15:00 PM  
Blogger dreamrunner said...

It depends...if heels are all you wear after the date, you might be fending him off!

Interesting blog!

Thu May 04, 05:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stappy heels, muted lipstick, wardrobe malfunction on the ride home... that'd do it for me.

Fri May 05, 04:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just bring my cuffs and I'm good to go.

Sat May 06, 07:24:00 AM  
Blogger RM said...

hahahahaha at what Rain said. If you check this again Rain you might appreciate this.

My Dad is prone to doing similar things - telling me to do things I would do anyway. I guess it's just part of parenting. The other day he actually said

If you get pulled over by the police and they ask you to put your lights on, put your lights on

NO! And I was going to put on my wind screen wiper and be a clever bastard!


Sun May 07, 08:23:00 AM  
Blogger Buffy said...

I'm 29 years old. My grandmother tells me the other day she doesnt want to scare me but it may be dangerous to have children at my age.

I dont know if shes trying to hurry me along (so much worse than 'is there anyone new') or if she just thinks i'll make an awful mother one day and wants to scare me away from it.

Who can tell?

Mon May 08, 01:20:00 PM  
Blogger Chief Scientist said...

Buff, 29 is almost 30. Heck, you're just beginning to learn how to have sex at that age, I can't imagine a woman can raise a child too.

Wed May 24, 09:34:00 PM  
Blogger StillWater said...

Wow! Semi permanent make up has alot of uses! But did you know that a woman consumes over 4 to 9 lbs of lipstick in her lifetime! Here is the link that I found that shows all of the research:


Wed Jul 12, 12:57:00 AM  

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