Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Let me tell ya bout' the birds & the bees...

I was having a very funny discussion with some girlfriends the other night about how we each learned about sex and where babies come from...

Now, my mother is a very educated woman. Having a PhD, she thought taking the "medical" approach when trying to explain "the birds and the bees" to me and my sister was the way to go.... yeah, not so much.

She would say stuff like "That is the mucous membrane that partially blocks the entrance to the uterus in a young female...."

WHAT THE HELL?

I think she did use the word orgasm once and I asked her what that was? Her response, "Orgasm: A discharge of neuromuscular tension at the peak of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female..."

WHAT THE HELL?

Me being the resourceful type of girl, after this "talk" with my mother I want to the library and did a little research of my own. I remember, looking up & down the rows upon rows of books in the "health & wellness" section.

The first day I did my research, I only looked at the books on the shelf, I didn't dare take them out in fear of someone actually seeing me! The next day, I got a little more daring and slowly took out ONLY one book and slowly walked to the cooking section of the library.

I walked to a far corner, trying to act as though I was doing some very serious, very important research on cooking as I looked at this book. The book I happened to pull that day was the wonderful, very informative, really interesting, with full illustration, "Joy of Sex" I looked and looked and looked and looked some more, going through each and every page. Trying to figure out what the hell my mother was talking about.

She really got me with the whole "tab A goes in to slot B" thing. And what was "good touch, bad touch"? From what I could see, everyone in the pictures looked like they were really enjoying themselves...a lot...

Especially when I got a little more bold and went back to the "health & wellness" area and found a few more...Informative books with lots of pictures...you know, just to make sure I clearly understood...

The book that really helped me a lot was the book called "Daily Sex: 365 Positions and Activities for Great Sex " it is a very good book, hot pictures er I mean, helpful photos and text to explain...

Now that I think of it, maybe I should take a little trip to the library. It's been a long time since I've visited the "health & wellness" section. I mean, strictly for educational reasons of course... Who am I fooling? The books are hot, ok! It's like educational porn!

Anyone else think it's hot in here?...

19 Comments:

Blogger thebillofbrothers said...

I learned about the birthing process in middle school but the act of penetration wasn't a part of the explanation... I guess they thought we would figure it out... I was "this" close to asking how the male's sperm get into the woman.

What can I say, I was a late bloomer.

So how does it get in there?

Wed Sep 27, 08:32:00 AM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

I'll take you under my wing and show you the ropes, little lady. One rope in particular. One big, thick rope.

I thought neuromuscular tension was bad. Who knew? I sometimes practice "Dynamic Tension", which is bulking up via muscle pulling against muscle.

BTW, do they have a "Daily Sex: 365 Positions and Activities for Great Sex " Calendar? I need one for my office. That way I can simply point to relevant days where certain coworkers should screw themselves, and point to others where the hot babes should screw me.

Oh, and babies come from drunken carelessness.

Wed Sep 27, 09:07:00 AM  
Blogger /t. said...

frankly, rev,
i'm shocked by
yours & your moms
blatant disregard for
a perfectly good tradition of learning about sex in schoolyards & on streets and in back alleys of seedy downtown areas of your town

bill, keep workin' on it, bro

/t.

Wed Sep 27, 10:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rev - maybe if you'd learned in teh schoolyard you wouldn't be sucha perv!! (kidding)

Is there some Jungle Fever going on with that book cover? Bravo!

Wed Sep 27, 02:19:00 PM  
Blogger jmeped said...

Educational porn!?!?! That's the best line I've read today. My mother was a hippie type who got out the tampons, and the charts and showed me how to use them and what they were for. I blacked out when she put her foot on the toilet to demonstrate and came to as she was saying, and that's what an abortion is.

Wed Sep 27, 03:26:00 PM  
Blogger /t. said...

hey rev,

your mom
is single?

/t.

Wed Sep 27, 03:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Tripe Face said...

I've got three kids and I still don't know how to do it right.

Care to show me, Rev?

In all seriousness, how come we can't vote for you in your little "sex up" poll?

Tripe

Wed Sep 27, 04:15:00 PM  
Blogger Willo Keays said...

Speaking of Rev's poll - thanks for the 7 votes whoever you are.

I'm going to have to do a little reaserch myself Rev. Being that in my old life I was a perfect angel {true story btw} my only partners have been hubby #1 and hubby #2.

Not that I'm in my NEW life {doing my best not to be so good}... I'm ready to learn much more!

Wed Sep 27, 04:54:00 PM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

I have a copy of that book. I can't read it though - the pages are all stuck together.

Wed Sep 27, 05:53:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Wow...you got through that whole post without using the word "fucking". Very impressive!

Wed Sep 27, 05:59:00 PM  
Blogger RevRee said...

Billy: When a man and a woman love each other. They take part in the most beautiful, wonderful, glorious thing....it's called Kissing. That's how babies are made. At least that's what I used to think...

puerileuwaitedhfosdfjs: I'm a big fan of big thick ropes! Would you be able to expand on the whole "Dynamic Tension" technique?...

/t: If my memory serves me right, the library had a book "sex in schoolyards & on streets and in back alleys of seedy downtown areas of your town"

Cherry: You love my pervish ways, admit it!

Me being a half & half (half black, half white) I'm a fan of jungle fever baby!

jmeped: At least your mom doesn't think you're still a virgin!

Tripe: My parents have 8 kids, I think they know a little too well!

I didn't put myself on the poll because I thought it would be to presumptuous of me to include myself.

Willo: Trust me, being a whore isn't all it's cracked up to be...

Dyckerson: Speaking of books, where's my book "The Multi Orgasmic Woman - Discover Your Full Desire, Pleasure, and Vitality


Mr Fab: Fuck! FUCK!!! FUUUUUKKKKCCCCCCCCC!

;-)

Wed Sep 27, 08:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

365 positions. One for every day of the year. Would if a person has sporatic sex partners? Then I, I mean, that person would have to bust out 5-10 positions each encounter.

Wed Sep 27, 09:41:00 PM  
Blogger DykesDog said...

When my brother and I were kids, I recall my brother really struggling with sex, because he would hear the adults" talk about sex and they'd always sanitize it and make it sound boring and dull and clinical. But they'd scare him because they'd always say: "The man puts his seed into the woman's vagina" THAT'S the part that scared my brother because he knew what a seed was and he told me he would picture seeds coming out of his penis ...watermelon seeds, apple seeds, OUCH! Didn't scare him enough not to have sex though ... even without a guide :)!

Thu Sep 28, 03:41:00 AM  
Blogger GirlGoyle said...

I learned of sex from Judy Bloom. For a while they were like that porn magazine passed on from locker to locker at the school. There literally was a waiting list for her books. Judy Bloom...heh! Probably explains a lot. "I must...I must...I must increase my bust." Or something like that...

Thu Sep 28, 04:09:00 AM  
Blogger thebillofbrothers said...

I thought you were going to recite Eddie Murphy as Mister Rogers:

"When a man and a woman love each other, they lay down and the man gives the woman $20."

Thu Sep 28, 08:26:00 AM  
Blogger Willo Keays said...

I looked for these books at MY library today. None to be found!

I guess in Florida Schools ... sex is a big No No.

Oh wait .... Jeb Bush is our Governor.

Never mind.

Thu Sep 28, 04:09:00 PM  
Blogger Crashtest Comic said...

:(

Fri Sep 29, 07:26:00 PM  
Blogger Crashtest Comic said...

It's so funny
how we don't talk anymore...

Fri Sep 29, 07:26:00 PM  
Blogger Mushy said...

Well, you sparked a another memory for me...I'll have to tell about asking my dad to explain sex to me even though I already knew more than he told me later.

My friend and I dared each other to ask the same night and we each got an old fashion explanation.

Parents are funny - me, I told my son the juicy details!

Mon Oct 02, 08:07:00 PM  

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