Thursday, July 26, 2007

So I was thinking, with all the Harry Potter book hype, I thought I'd take it upon myself and go to the bookstore... Interestingly enough, bookstores have always had a very interesting effect on me. Some would call it, freaky, But, I like to think of it as yet another intriguing part of my amazing personality.

Every time I set foot in a library, bookstore, book sale, anyplace with numerous amounts of books I suddenly get extremely turned on. For an example, my eyes MIGHT slightly roll to the back of my head when I take in that wonderful aroma of that new book paper, smell. I totally think it's some type of aphrodisiac... I'm being serious people, stop laughing!

I KNOW! You don't have to even say it, it's so weird! I'm so WEIRD! I'm almost embarrassed to admit this fact about myself. I mean really, what doesn't turn me on?

You know, that's a really good questions. What turns me off? Ummm.... well, I...ummm... I don't really find people who eat watermelon with salt that much of a turn on... and umm I can't stand when someone burps really loud without at least an "excuse me"

Oh yeah! I hate when guys wear their jeans like super low and they have to spread their legs when walking. GOD I hate that! It makes me just want to run up and trip them! And then give them the biggest wedgie ever invented!

OK, anyway back on topic! Books, I love books! Books, books, books! Now, although I don't read as much as I should, the last time I was at the bookstore, I found the most amazing book ever! "Sex Q & A (Explicit answers to hundreds of your most burning questions)" by Anne Hooper

It's funny, whenever I'm in the bookstore browsing the "health" section, I always try and look really serious. Like I'm doing some very impotent research to save mankind. And I'm not in truth, getting slightly frustrated by the super helpful pictures in the books.

Sometimes, if I see other people looking at another section close to the one I'm in, I'll make comments to myself like, "Huh, that's interesting" or "I did not know that, wow!" or my favorite "Eureka!"

Honestly my blogging friends, I've learned quite a bit...

For example, did you know that the clitoris (or sweetness as I like to call it) resembles the penis (or monster as I like to call it) in structure. It has glans and a shaft. Although it's only visible as a tiny, swollen, pink, tip, the clitoris actually goes back several inches in to the body.

WOW!

Also, Spanish Fly is made from dried, crushed bodies of a type of beetle. It works by irritating and inflaming the genitals. It can also be very poisonous and taking it can be fatal and you will DIE!

HOLY CRAP!

So, in closing, Spanish Fly is fatal, I hate salt on watermelon, I'll give you the biggest wedgie ever invented if you wear your pants down past your ass, I strongly suggest that you go out and get the book "Sex Q & A" and apparently the clitoris (or sweetness) is just like a penis (or monster)...

18 Comments:

Blogger Scary Monster said...

Me thanks you for the effacacious words and of course for the plug; not once, but twice. Yet me has a sneaking suspicion that you got me mixed up with Dyck.

Thu Jul 26, 05:30:00 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

Books used to turn me on too, but the papercuts were too much to handle.

Thu Jul 26, 10:18:00 AM  
Blogger SpongyBones said...

Did you go to the mini mall to buy that book! I don't think you found that one in the health section either ... and not on the Harry Pothead shelf!

What the hell are you doing in that Pervert section! Trying to look like a sex therapist or something!

Just call me and my monster ... we can learn ya all you want on HEALTH ISSUES and SEX Q and A ... why bother with a book!

Thu Jul 26, 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger Jenny! said...

Watermelon and salt....no!
Watermelon and vodka...yes yes!
If I had a monster...I would ask if you wanted to come over to look and smell my book collection!

Thu Jul 26, 11:10:00 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

Books turn me on, too! I find it very hot to see my husband reading a big, fat book. Softly touching the pages and stroking the binding.... Sorry, I got a little side-tracked there. I think I'm going to have to buy that book, by the way.

Thu Jul 26, 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger zen wizard said...

I, for one, have learned a lot today.

(Well, I knew everything but the low-lying pants hangup/wedgie compulsion, actually...)

Thu Jul 26, 04:22:00 PM  
Blogger Sassy Blondie said...

Well after that, why should I go to buy the book? LOL I hate those sagging pants too...do they not realize how ridiculous they look? I tell them to say no to crack.

Thu Jul 26, 05:12:00 PM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

When I'm in the library (which ain't often), I like to grab a bunch of explicit sex books and sneak them into the children's section next to Dr. Seuss. It gives me great pride to think of how many young minds I have warped.

Thu Jul 26, 06:02:00 PM  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

That's funny, because I've actually been told that my penis resembles a clit, because it's so small and pink and . . . I'm just kidding. I've never heard that.

Thu Jul 26, 06:25:00 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Wow! We DO have much in common! For instance, I refer to clitorises as "Walter Paytons".

Thu Jul 26, 07:43:00 PM  
Blogger SpongyBones said...

Mini Mall man has some competition over at my place ...

Fri Jul 27, 11:44:00 AM  
Blogger RevRee said...

~Monster: when I use the word "monster" I'm talking about a PENIS! You're 5, maybe they haven't covered that in Kindergarten yet? ;-)

~Ryan: Try some lotion next time. It helps with the slide...

~Spongy: It's not the Pervert section! It's the "Health" section, damnit!

AND, I am a self proclaimed sex therapist ...it's a hobby of mine...

~Jenny: If you had a "Monster" would you also let me touch your book collection?

~Christie: Have your husband wear some reading glasses too! That will make things super hot!

~Zen: I've found that I learn something new every single day!

~Sassy: Trust me, there's SO much more in the book. GO buy it, you'll thank me for it later!

~Dyckerson: You're turning in to your grandfather. A dirty old man!

~Dr. Ken: you scared me there for a moment. You were joking....right?...

~Puerileuwaitefsldhrfeo: I'm worried about you... ;-)

Sat Jul 28, 01:39:00 AM  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I was kidding. It's more often likened to a telefunkin U-47.

Sat Jul 28, 04:42:00 AM  
Blogger Scary Monster said...

Me reckons you should never refer to a male sexual organ as a penis unless you are a doctor or Shere Hite. Even Underage Monsters knows this.

Sat Jul 28, 08:14:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Sweetness?

Hmm....

Sun Jul 29, 07:46:00 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I get turned on by books too. And if a man starts speaking poetry to me, heaven help me, I'm jumping on that.

Wed Aug 01, 01:08:00 PM  
Blogger SpongyBones said...

You're sure spending a ton of time with that book ... are you a slow reader?

Thu Aug 02, 11:43:00 AM  
Blogger SpongyBones said...

If you need a study partner,or lab rat give me a call!

Sat Aug 04, 08:27:00 PM  

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