Thursday, December 08, 2005

Stick shifts & safety belts

A few years ago my boyfriend at the time (100% bastard) thought it was time I learned how to drive a stick shift vehicle. He drove a dove white 2000 Mitsubishi eclipse, as pictured above. It was a manual sports car and he wanted me to learn how to drive stick with this! HIS NEW CAR!

I say "You must be joking, there is NO way I'm going to try and drive that thing!"

He goes on ."No baby, you need to learn, I trust you, it's all good"

I'm like "HELL, I don't trust myself!"

Anyway, a friend of mine came along for the "Ride" She was riding in the back seat. My boyfriend at the time (100% bastard) takes us to this long stretch of road outside of town. He pulls over and says, "hop on over darlin!" I'm pretty much scared out of my freaking mind by this time. I didn't want to be responsible for this brand new car. I didn't want to die in a horrible car accident!

I hop over to the drivers side seat. I'm shaking like a leaf, my palms start sweating profusely, and I can't seem to get enough air to breath. He looks over at me and starts laughing. " hahahhaa baby, you'll be just fine" I reach over and buckle my seat belt, as does my friend in the back as she giggles saying "I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die"

I slowly turn the key and the smoov sound of the engine lights right up. " WOW!" I say under my breath. My boyfriend at the time (100% bastard) begins to coach me as to how to drive this beast.

I start off doing pretty well...there's a few massive jerks here and there, but I didn't think there was anything so bad, that my supposed FRIEND in the back seat decides to crawl down on the floor of the back, getting in the fetal position and begin praying, for her very soul.

I finally get up to about 60mph on this long stretch of highway. We come up behind a slower car and my boyfriend at the time (100% bastard) tells me it's time to pass this car. My palms start sweating once again, my grip tightens on the steering wheel and I slightly start to panic. He continues to try and talk me down...coaching me as to what gear I need to shift to and how it's all gonna take place.

I take a deep breath and say a prayer under my breath. I start pressing on the gas as we exhilarate faster and faster, Just as I get right along side the car, I see another car coming right towards us!!!!! I instantly panic "OH SHIT!!! I hear my supposed friend in the back seat begin to cry and scream all at the same time as she also says "OH SHITTTTTTTT" Then she starts whaling, I hear my boyfriend at the time (100% bastard) say under his breath Fuck...

The car is coming at us at what seems like warp speed! My boyfriend at the time (100% bastard) grabs the gear shift and steering wheel, shouts out something to me about pressing the clutch and hitting the gas! We speed up, get past the car and pull over just as the on-coming car whizzes by.

We sit there on the side of the road, for maybe 10 minutes in complete silence. Then all of a sudden he starts laughing, my supposed friends asks "Is it safe to come out now?" Which makes him laugh even more, this triggers me to begin laughing. My supposed friend slowly slides back up to the seat as she begins to laugh! All three of us sit there laughing for another 10-15 minutes. Then all of a sudden my boyfriend at the time (100% bastard) says "I'll drive now" So, we switch seats, drop off my friend, go home and have hot sex. True story


Blogger tacit1 said...

Yikes! My father was driving his Eclipse and got clipped by a tractor trailor, which pushed his car for abou 100 yards. He was miraculously uninjured, although at the time he was trying to quit smoking- he smoked like a chimney after that.

For the record, I don't know how to drive a stick shift either.

Stop by my blog sometime, I have one personal one & another devoted to a creative writing project (fiction), which you can find at

Thu Dec 08, 05:22:00 PM  
Blogger Cairde said...

A lot better than when my boyfriend taught me how to drive a stick...a whole lot of yelling, crying and me saying "leave the f-ing thing here, I am never driving again!" A bit melodramatic, but shit, it seemed hard at the time. :)

Thu Dec 08, 07:05:00 PM  
Blogger Frank McBoob said...

Wait wait wait...

You had sex when you got home? I thought you were doing it in that white car... all this talk about stickshifts.

Frank U. McBoob

Thu Dec 08, 08:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Hank said...

I don't get it. You keep saying he is a bastard but he showed a lot of compassion, let you drive his new car and then gave you sex. I thought we would learn the secret of his bastardness like, "I wouldn't let him watch sports so he screwed a whore."

But there's no payoff here. What gives?

Fri Dec 09, 03:26:00 PM  
Blogger Gadzilla said...

I think I get it.. your friend and your bastard ex.. gotcha!

Great story btw..

This one time at band camp...

Fri Dec 09, 09:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn! Bitter much?! Just chop off their heads and you'll feel much better!!! =D

Sat Nov 03, 02:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Jason said...

WOW, I remember it being exactly like that. And my car wasnt dove white it was eggshell. Hope all is well .

AKA 100% bastard

Sat Apr 12, 12:25:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home