Sunday, November 27, 2005

5 simple "guidelines"

Last night I made a stop at the usual pub after returning home from the my parents place. I had a few drinks with friends who also were back from family events and such, they needed a drink too! It's fun to hear everyone venting about family in their own special loving way!

As I'm sitting at the table, listening to all these stories of stress and family gossip. I see two people sitting in the corner. The female looks very uncomfortable...she has one of those fake smiles. The guy's talking a mile a minute while he keeps grabbing her hand and caressing her cheek. I know this chick...she barley knows this guy and she isn't interested. But, he thinks he's marking his territory and assuming they're together.

He kept wanting to talk about their supposed relationship. He kept pressing her to go out of town with him next week... "We need to take a trip together. I think it will be healthy for us if we do...we'll get to know each other better and give us some time alone away from this place" The look on her face was priceless!

I could almost hear her thinking "who the hell do you think you are??? God, stop pressuring me! I don't even like you that much...I wonder what my next drink should be..."

He wasn't paying attention to a single thing she said or did. He was all about his needs and what he wanted. It was going right over his head...the fact that she was being unresponsive, bored and slightly cold. That's the first clue that SHE ISN'T INTERESTED!!!! Does he care? Probably not, will he notice? No.

I've put together 5 simple rules...well, lets call them "guidelines". These 5 simple "guidelines" will maybe help some, NOT make an ass out of themselves.

Rule #1 Don't act needy and desperate. DO NOT TOUCH! Stop touching me, grabbing my hand, patting my knee, pulling my chair closer to yours and acting like you own me.

Rule #2 Stop reminding me about how "beautiful" I am, sitting in the light shining from the bar cooler.

Rule #3 Please, Please, PLEASE! Once you say you're leaving, for the love of god, LEAVE! Don't tease us with the thought of actually getting you off our ass, when you really have no intention of going. If you think we're going to beg you to stay...we're not. We ARE not going to ask you to stay longer.

Rule #4 Stop drinking more than you can handle. Stop being a puss, suck it up like a man and know your limits.

Rule #5 Don't make me scoot over so we can share a single chair. While you're smoking, about to burn my hair and blowing the smoke into my face.

As always, to be fair, there ARE exceptions to all of these rules or I mean guidelines and subject to change. But, the general consensus find these to be pretty valid and true

There you have it. Another inside look at what we females think. I hope this will give some of you out there more understanding and maybe open your eyes to what we want. Of course, I don't have a man, so I could be wrong?...


Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

More fucking rules?! Give us a break, dammit!!!

Besides, Dyckerson doesn't follow the rules...he MAKES the rules.

And what's with that ECP graphic? Who's side are you on, anyway??!

Sun Nov 27, 04:43:00 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

Rule 6 - Chicks like you more if you are mean to them first.

Mon Nov 28, 01:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rule 7 - Completely ignore her until she does something desperate. You know how you acted with the last girl you slept with? Do that before you sleep with the next one. She'll be really confused by your skipped step into apathy, and therefore skip her own step into neediness.

Mon Nov 28, 05:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just a comment but these guidlines are only true if you don't like the guy.....if you're really into him you want him
#1 to hold your hand
#2 to tell you you're beautiful
#5 be close to you
I'm with you on #'s 3 & 4.
I wish women would be more honest come right out and tell the jerks thier not interested. If you keep hanging out with them they'll never change. Seek out the nice guys like me.!!!!

Tue Nov 29, 05:55:00 PM  
Blogger ~C~ said...

Oh, no, you're right on the money & the guidelines don't change for the middle aged crowed either. Men still act the same annoying clueless way.

Tue Nov 29, 06:02:00 PM  
Blogger Frank McBoob said...

Hey Revree,

Maybe you want to come over tonight? If not, maybe we can get away this weekend... I've got a bungalow in Montana that would be perfect for us to get to know each other a little better.

Let me know ASAP!!!!

Frank U. McBoob

Wed Nov 30, 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Gadzilla said...

Broken a few of those rules myself, and reading your post triggered a memory of mine. Come to my blog and read. The relevance isn't till half way in, but worth the read, and after reading your last post, I'd be interested in your comments.

Click me!

Thu Dec 01, 07:59:00 PM  

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