Friday, October 21, 2011

When in doubt, breath through your mouth... or wear a gas mask!

Today, I'm going to talk to you about a slight Phobia that I have. It's not super crazy or weird or least I don't think it is...

I am afraid of smells. NOW, before you go and call me a freak, first hear me out! When I say that I am afraid of smells, I mostly mean human smells. I'm afraid of the way people smell. I am going to confess that I judge people in about 1.5 seconds on whether they smell or not. It's not something I can help. I really can't help it...

I've tried to give people a chance...but inevitably I end up breathing thru my mouth so I don't catch even a whiff of their stench. I don't care of you're skinny, fat, ugly, attractive, smart, dumb, red, yellow black or white.... I judge you ALL!

I can't really tell you what gives you a pass or fail in that 1.5 seconds of judgement... it's just a feeling or sense that I get inside of me that tells me whether I can trust your smell or not. It's as simple as that.

Now to be fair, I really have no idea if even the majority of people that I've decided NOT to smell even have a scent or stench at all because I just can't take that chance...I just can't!

I really don't know when this first started. I'm guessing it was when I was a small child. I found that whenever I smell a strong perfume or scented candle I get an instant headache. Needless to say, as a young girl whenever I came across a strong, unbearable, smell when I practiced this act, I couldn't smell a damn thing! GENIUS, I know!

(No I am NOT a "mouth breather" I just simply start breathing softly thru my mouth when I think you big deal, no one knows I'm doing it so stop judging me!)

With that being said, I think that's what led to the now more extreme problem of not wanting to smell people. Let me stop right here and say that the craziest part of this is that I love how my husband smells and the first day I met him, I took in a deep breath of his essence and was blown away by his goodness! (he passed the 1.5 second judgement) My family doesn't smell, of course I don't smell and I also don't judge new born babies as they smell wonderful!...But, yes, I'll say it, I judge most kids too (excluding children who are part of my family, they're cool)...

This leads me back to my previous statement that IF I deem you worthy of my smelling, I will in fact smell you...just remember you have exactly 1.5 seconds!

Being in the work world for over 15 years now, I've come across quite a few smelly co-workers. This is the worst and hardest part of my so-called "phobia". I've gone for hours breathing gently thru my mouth in fear of catching even a small tiny whiff of someones smelliness. I've taken a chance on a potentially smelly person before and I was seriously let down which heightened my shield.

To be honest with you, I don't think I really have a problem at all. I think I've mastered the art of eliminating smelly people from my life entirely. I can still be around them, I can still be a productive person in society and not have to smell one nasty human!

In closing, just remember, I'm not a "mouth breather" I'm a trained stealthy person who has mastered the art of breathing thru my mouth when needed to avoid harmful scents creeping thru the air that could damage me for life!


Blogger Big Flip said...

So i smell great....:P

Fri Oct 21, 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...


Good thing I don't judge people by their spelling ability.

Fri Oct 21, 09:58:00 PM  
Blogger RevRee said...

For real? It's fixed, MISTER JERK!

Fri Oct 21, 10:47:00 PM  

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