Friday, October 21, 2011

When in doubt, breath through your mouth... or wear a gas mask!

Today, I'm going to talk to you about a slight Phobia that I have. It's not super crazy or weird or anything..at least I don't think it is...

I am afraid of smells. NOW, before you go and call me a freak, first hear me out! When I say that I am afraid of smells, I mostly mean human smells. I'm afraid of the way people smell. I am going to confess that I judge people in about 1.5 seconds on whether they smell or not. It's not something I can help. I really can't help it...

I've tried to give people a chance...but inevitably I end up breathing thru my mouth so I don't catch even a whiff of their stench. I don't care of you're skinny, fat, ugly, attractive, smart, dumb, red, yellow black or white.... I judge you ALL!

I can't really tell you what gives you a pass or fail in that 1.5 seconds of judgement... it's just a feeling or sense that I get inside of me that tells me whether I can trust your smell or not. It's as simple as that.

Now to be fair, I really have no idea if even the majority of people that I've decided NOT to smell even have a scent or stench at all because I just can't take that chance...I just can't!

I really don't know when this first started. I'm guessing it was when I was a small child. I found that whenever I smell a strong perfume or scented candle I get an instant headache. Needless to say, as a young girl whenever I came across a strong, unbearable, smell when I practiced this act, I couldn't smell a damn thing! GENIUS, I know!

(No I am NOT a "mouth breather" I just simply start breathing softly thru my mouth when I think you smell...no big deal, no one knows I'm doing it so stop judging me!)

With that being said, I think that's what led to the now more extreme problem of not wanting to smell people. Let me stop right here and say that the craziest part of this is that I love how my husband smells and the first day I met him, I took in a deep breath of his essence and was blown away by his goodness! (he passed the 1.5 second judgement) My family doesn't smell, of course I don't smell and I also don't judge new born babies as they smell wonderful!...But, yes, I'll say it, I judge most kids too (excluding children who are part of my family, they're cool)...

This leads me back to my previous statement that IF I deem you worthy of my smelling, I will in fact smell you...just remember you have exactly 1.5 seconds!

Being in the work world for over 15 years now, I've come across quite a few smelly co-workers. This is the worst and hardest part of my so-called "phobia". I've gone for hours breathing gently thru my mouth in fear of catching even a small tiny whiff of someones smelliness. I've taken a chance on a potentially smelly person before and I was seriously let down which heightened my shield.

To be honest with you, I don't think I really have a problem at all. I think I've mastered the art of eliminating smelly people from my life entirely. I can still be around them, I can still be a productive person in society and not have to smell one nasty human!

In closing, just remember, I'm not a "mouth breather" I'm a trained stealthy person who has mastered the art of breathing thru my mouth when needed to avoid harmful scents creeping thru the air that could damage me for life!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Honeymoon in Vegas

Hello my dear blogging friends! I know it's been like a year since my last confession, er I mean post. All I can say is that life can really take a road that devours up an entire year! So many things have taken place in the Life & Times of RevRee...I don't even know where to begin.

First of all, on October 16th I will be celebrating my first year Anniversary with my amazing husband "Flip"! It's hard to believe that it's been nearly 4 years since the day we met and already 1 year of marriage...

I suppose this post should be about where the frak I've been for the last year. But, instead I'm going to tell you all about our honeymoon! Isn't that exciting?!!....*cough* Hello?...

ANYWAY, as you can see from my post a year ago, I got married! The wedding was the most beautiful event ever...seriously is was fantastic! After our wedding, "Flip" and I decided to take a short 20 hour road trip to Las Vegas!



We left for Vegas at 2am Monday morning right after returning home from a 10 hour drive from our wedding. Then we had to drop the kids off, re-pack, then we headed right back out the door!

Needless to say, we made it for about 5 hours before "Flip" started seeing Sasquatches and gnomes running across the highway...so, we found a lovely Flying-J truck stop and closed our eyes for a moment...actually it was like 4 hours. Thankfully we didn't answer the knocking at our window of a "Lot Lizard"...AWKWARD!

Finally, bright and early that morning we get back on the road and saw some beautiful sights along the way...




Although some of you may think I stole these pictures from the Internets, I actually did take these photos! It's award winning stuff folks...the drive was long, we saw lots of mountains and lots of sand...the temperature went from 90 degrees to 40 degrees and raining once we reached Flagstaff...INSANE!

I am proud to say that I drove thru the wind and rain in the freakin' mountains while "Flip" took one last nap before entering the Nevada state line.

Once across state lines, we stopped at this little shack in the middle of nowhere..just like in the movies. I have to tell you, it was pretty AWESOME! You actually had to buy something if you wanted to use the bathroom...I have to admit, it's a genius idea because there's literally nowhere else to go! So, yeah...we had to buy something, cuz I had to go really bad!...what? I couldn't hold it!

After re-adjusting ourselves and "Flip" took over the driving duties...we made our way to the Hoover Dam at like midnight...it was a fantastic sight! I'd show you pictures of that too, but my camera just wasn't working and I didn't get any good shots...my bad, sorry...

OK, FINALLY, we drive into the beautiful city of lights, Casinos, free XXX flyer's and $1.99 Buffets -LAS VEGAS!



We find the hotel, park the car, grab all our luggage and make our way inside the hotel lobby. Once inside, we hear this loud Asian woman say to us as we pass by "YOU WANT TO SEE FREE SHOW?" I tried to ignore her, but she kept saying "LADY, YOU WANT TO SEE FREE SHOW?" So we stop and say, "sure"...

(At this time, I'd like to point out that I KNEW the entire time it was a total scam! I just want to state that for the record. "Flip" was onto her as well and just wanted to play along to see what the Lady's "trick" was. So, we we played her little game for a few moments...)

She continues
...

Asian Lady: "YOU CAN SEE 2 SHOW FOR FREE! WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE? LION KING?... THE BLUE MAN GROUP, ....THUNDER DOWN UNDER?..WHAT YOU WANT?"

"Flip":
"sure, we'll take 2 tickets to see the Blue man Group...they're free right?..."

The lovely Asian woman: "YES 100% FREE TO YOU! OK WONDERFUL, YOU JUST GIVE ME $100 DOLLARS AND I GIVE IT BACK TO YOU AFTER THE SHOW"

We walk away...

Asian Lady: *screaming* "YOU MISSING OUT ON A GREAT OPPORTUNITY! I WON'T BE HERE TOMORROW!!!"

We quickly speed walk away from the crazy Asian lady, trying to mix in with the crowd and get the frak away. We make our way to the check in line and finally it's our turn. Everything goes smoothly...we check in, get our keys to the room and head to the 15th floor.

We make out in the hotel elevator as we move up floors. (Hey, we're on our honeymoon, chill!)*DING* the elevator stops at our destination floor. We walk and walk down beautiful hallway after beautiful hallway...they all look the same. Anyway, we find our room take a deep breath and "Flip" opens the door...below is what we found in our room...



That's right folks, the room was in shambles!! It's like someone else had their honeymoon in OUR ROOM!!!! Needless to say, we weren't very happy. "Flip" got on the phone and politely demanded that this be fixed ASAP! The hotel manager came up to the room and was also devastated and disgusted with the sight. He apologized over and over again and said he had a honeymoon suit all ready for us on the 20th floor!

Below is what they gave us for $25 a night! I know, it's AWESOME!!!!



I won't go into detail, but I will say that the hot tub was pretty spectacular! If you look real closely at the picture of the hot tub... yeah, that's a window looking out onto the Vegas strip...and the window opens...that's all I'll say...

In closing...it was an amazing time that we will never forget. We had quite a few little escapades during our vacation and it was a blast! "Flip" is truly my best friend and the love of my life. I wouldn't want to take any adventure in life without him.

I'll leave you with some random pictures of a mini-Elvis, a mini-Marilyn Monroe, a Gold Elvis, an Alien, Street Performers and Hookers for your enjoyment!

Until next time, my blogging friends!

(NO IT WILL NOT BE A YEAR BEFORE I POST AGAIN!)